10: How To Parent The Young People Of Today with Teri Potter
Teri Potter is a trauma informed certified coach supporting individuals, children and families in their quest to wholeness and authenticity. These can be such big topics so in this episode, Teri breaks down for us how we can begin to do the work of truly be-ing with our kids and transforming old ways of doing that may not allow our kids to feel connected to us. Teri speaks to what the world is calling for in the now and how we can help meet our young peoples’ deepest needs - to be heard and seen for who they truly are. It’s what we are all seeking! Teri’s wisdom runs deep and wide - listen in for a conscious conversation on raising our young people in a changing world.
EPISODE TAKEAWAYS:
How our children can be our biggest teachers
Bringing marginalized populations into the light
Why Teri embarked on the journey into Conscious Parenting
Ways of being with your child that you can begin with today
How quiet spaciousness allows our children to develop safety and trust
How simple questions to a parent can feel like interrogations to our kids
The concept of attunement and how we can apply it to relationships with kids
Young people today understand and support each other in new, expansive ways
The privilege of acknowledging the spirit and essence of our kids
Working with young people on a gender journey, ADHD or ASC (Autistic Spectrum Condition)
Holding a young person’s diagnosis lightly and learning about ways of being with a diagnosis
About the Guest: (bio, personal links, resource links)
Teri Potter is a Trauma Informed, Certified therapeutic coach, hailing from the UK where she lives with her husband and son. A long time truth-seeker, Teri is thankful to have studied the work of some of the world's most renowned wisdom teachers and clinicians in the field of mental health. With an extensive toolbox, she weaves into her work a mix of these teachings, to include Dr. Shefali Tsabary-Conscious Parenting, Dr. Gabor Mate-Conscious Inquiry, Dr. Richard Schwartz-Internal Family Systems, Tara Brach-Radical Compassion & Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Presence.
Learn more
https://www.drshefali.com/cpmcp-coaches/name/teresa-potter/
Resources mentioned in the podcast:
Gabor Mate, Compassionate Inquiry https://compassionateinquiry.com/
Keri Bowers, https://the-art-of-autism.com/
Tara Brach, https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/
About the Host:
Maureen Spielman is the Founder of Mystical Sisterhood, a podcast dedicated to bringing more joy, healing and expansion to the world. She is a seasoned life coach who supports individuals through one-on-one coaching, groups and workshops.
Connect with Maureen:
Learn more about her work at www.maureenspielman.com
Want to join our Mystical Sisterhood Membership community? Find out more here: https://www.maureenspielman.com/mysticalsisterhood
Email Maureen at hello@maureenspielman.com to inquire about coaching, podcasting & speaking engagements
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Transcript
Hi, I'm Maureen Spielman, and this is
Maureen Spielman:mystical sisterhood. I'm a soul Care Coach and lifelong learner
Maureen Spielman:committed to creating conscious conversations around joy and
Maureen Spielman:healing. Each week, I'll host healers, intuitives and other
Maureen Spielman:courageous women doing the necessary work of reclaiming our
Maureen Spielman:worthiness, honoring our intuition and letting the light
Maureen Spielman:in so we can more clearly see the light and others and
Maureen Spielman:ourselves. My intention is to plant the seeds that lead to
Maureen Spielman:insights and revelations. For you the listener, please join me
Maureen Spielman:in building this global magical sisterhood. And thanks for being
Maureen Spielman:here
Maureen Spielman:Hi, welcome back to mystical sisterhood. This is your host,
Maureen Spielman:Maureen Spielman. And I'm so excited today to be sitting here
Maureen Spielman:with Terry Potter. Terry is a dear friend whom I met and Dr.
Maureen Spielman:Shefali is conscious parenting Institute. And Terry is a trauma
Maureen Spielman:informed Certified Therapeutic coach hailing from the UK, where
Maureen Spielman:she lives with her husband and son. And Terry is a deeply
Maureen Spielman:committed coach, supporting individuals, families, children,
Maureen Spielman:in their quest on this path to wholeness and authenticity, and
Maureen Spielman:stepping into who they're truly meant to be here. So today's
Maureen Spielman:topic is talking about our kids, talking about kids now, in the
Maureen Spielman:time that we sit here in 2023, the challenges that are out
Maureen Spielman:there, the the environments that are being called to be created,
Maureen Spielman:for them to learn and grow and thrive, and that same for us as
Maureen Spielman:their caregivers as their parents as their mothers. So
Maureen Spielman:that's what we're kind of setting the stage for today. And
Maureen Spielman:I want to say about Terry as well, that she's informed in
Maureen Spielman:many different teaching styles and modalities and
Maureen Spielman:methodologies. And starting with Dr. Shefali, he's going under
Maureen Spielman:studying with Dr. Gabor Ma Tei. And he does so much work about
Maureen Spielman:trauma and trauma informed therapist and coaches in his
Maureen Spielman:method of conscious inquiry. Internal family systems with Dr.
Maureen Spielman:Richard Schwartz and Tara brach of radical compassion and
Maureen Spielman:Eckhart Tolle. So you count many amongst your teachers, Terry,
Maureen Spielman:but I welcome you here, as also a beautiful teacher, because of
Maureen Spielman:your lived experiences, and, and everything that's occurred for
Maureen Spielman:you in your life. And every certification certification
Maureen Spielman:you've done, but how it's alchemize you into the person
Maureen Spielman:and the coach, you are now and the mother, you are. So welcome.
Maureen Spielman:And I'd like you to just say, hi, and whatever, you know, you
Maureen Spielman:would want to follow up with there to begin.
Teri Potter:Wow, thank you. Wow, that was an introduction.
Teri Potter:That was beautiful. Thank you so much. It made me reflect a
Teri Potter:little, actually, as I was hearing you talk about all of
Teri Potter:that. I'm excited for this conversation that we're going to
Teri Potter:have. And I'm just really so overjoyed to be here. You and I
Teri Potter:began this conversation a year or two ago, I think that we're
Teri Potter:going to continue today about the young people in our lives
Teri Potter:and in the world. Absolutely, thank you. I mean, all of those
Teri Potter:certifications, really, in the end, none of them would have
Teri Potter:occurred. But for the one teacher that isn't in my bio
Teri Potter:actually is written about him everywhere else. But my young
Teri Potter:person, Eden, who really got me on this path in the first place.
Teri Potter:kind of nailed me to the wall in terms of learning the lessons on
Teri Potter:the fly. And now is my greatest ally in this world. Just super
Teri Potter:happy to be here. Thank you.
Maureen Spielman:Yes. And I just thank you for sharing and
Maureen Spielman:just this idea, even when you and I stepped into our first
Maureen Spielman:kind of spaces together, and really just got down to
Maureen Spielman:conscious conversations and the conversations that were that we
Maureen Spielman:were wanting to have. But we knew based on what was appearing
Maureen Spielman:in our worlds like what was happening for us, that it just
Maureen Spielman:required us to kind of study and open up new ways of seeing
Maureen Spielman:things seeing the world. So I mean, maybe we can dive in right
Maureen Spielman:there. I think that you had said that let's just talk about the
Maureen Spielman:children who are in front of us, and they're they've arrived with
Maureen Spielman:sensitivities. With behaviors demeanors, you had you had noted
Maureen Spielman:with me. And so they're here for us, and they're here for our
Maureen Spielman:growth and transformation. But this is the work you do. So what
Maureen Spielman:where do you start with that?
Teri Potter:Yeah, I mean, you just you hit the nail on the
Teri Potter:head, right? We started this conversation, and we learned all
Teri Potter:of this stuff. Because first and foremost, for me, I needed to
Teri Potter:just show up, I needed to show up and understand how to be
Teri Potter:around my child how to be in this world, which was seemingly
Teri Potter:so so different than one that I, you know, had been aware of
Teri Potter:before. And, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of expectation in
Teri Potter:that in that last line that I use them. And that's something
Teri Potter:that I've learned to, to have less of, till I'd like say, let
Teri Potter:go of and still have a work in progress. But I've come a long
Teri Potter:way. You know, the young people were talking about, I mean,
Teri Potter:specifically stay late, and maybe I need to be a little bit
Teri Potter:more open and black and white about it. And my son was
Teri Potter:diagnosed autistic, at seven years old. And that 15 Now he's
Teri Potter:been through every roller coaster that I could ever have
Teri Potter:tried for him not to have gone on. You know, his journey is one
Teri Potter:that he's very okay with me talking about, because he feels
Teri Potter:now he's gone through what he has, in order for me to be able
Teri Potter:to help him forward order for him to be able to help others,
Teri Potter:he's still very young. So at the moment, I'm the person fronting
Teri Potter:all of this, but that, you know, he, he was diagnosed autistic,
Teri Potter:he had a lot of school trauma, a lot of behaviors that I had to
Teri Potter:get my head around and understand difficulties with
Teri Potter:communication, his anxiety got so great. At seven, he didn't
Teri Potter:want to be here anymore. And he was attempting to do something
Teri Potter:about that. And to be told that you have a suicidal, seven year
Teri Potter:old is quite something you don't expect. I didn't even think it
Teri Potter:was possible, I'll be honest. And then again at 12. Simply
Teri Potter:because the environment, the setting that he found himself in
Teri Potter:was just not sympathetic, it was not understanding, regardless of
Teri Potter:how hard we tried to put the right thing in the right, you
Teri Potter:know, put them in the right places. Often, it's just like to
Teri Potter:see, you know, the subtleties that weren't that weren't
Teri Potter:working. So we've, we've come a long way, I began doing the
Teri Potter:conscious parent training when he was 12 years old. Because we
Teri Potter:didn't know what else to do. And, you know, we were in a
Teri Potter:catastrophic situation. And then, once we began to do the
Teri Potter:work that work, my husband and I on ourselves, and we turned
Teri Potter:everything around in our home really quickly, you know what I
Teri Potter:mean? The work is ongoing, right. But it was like the
Teri Potter:differences that we explored and experienced just by doing the
Teri Potter:things that Dr. Shefali recommends, in her work,
Teri Potter:conscious parenting, just, you know, so many little subtle,
Teri Potter:subtle things. All of a sudden, we got our child back. And it
Teri Potter:was really incredible. So we were making huge progress. So at
Teri Potter:the end of all of that, and don't get me wrong, that wasn't
Teri Potter:about curing his behaviors. It wasn't about trying to get him
Teri Potter:to do anything differently. But it was about letting go of
Teri Potter:expectations. It was about acceptance. It was about looking
Teri Potter:at what's coming up for us and each and every moment. And being
Teri Potter:able to show up with him without an agenda. Without some fixing
Teri Potter:energy, but just with an openness and a lot of listening,
Teri Potter:and a lot of stillness. So it made sense, from that point to
Teri Potter:retrain. I went from garden designer to conscious parenting
Teri Potter:coach in the course of a couple of years.
Maureen Spielman:Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
Teri Potter:Yeah, that we'd really okay. Did it wasn't so
Teri Potter:bad. I'd left all my clients behind anyway. So yeah, that's
Teri Potter:pretty much where we started from where that might be, you
Teri Potter:know, we're talking about these, these young people who are, you
Teri Potter:know, the label, highly sensitive, they labeled
Teri Potter:autistic, they're labeled ADHD that hold us to account in every
Teri Potter:moment, you know, and how they're, I mean, gobble Marty
Teri Potter:talks about autism, for example, is he's got his own views on, on
Teri Potter:what that is and where it's come from, and I don't dispute them
Teri Potter:at all, but his quote is that autism is the child of social
Teri Potter:disconnection. And that hand what's happening to the brains
Teri Potter:of children, that we need to look at what's happened to the
Teri Potter:child rearing milieu over the last few decades, I get that,
Teri Potter:right? Because what he's basically saying is, our kids
Teri Potter:should be raised by a tribe. And you know, the every adult should
Teri Potter:be responsible for every child. And it makes perfect sense in
Teri Potter:this day and age where we all go into our homes, and then we
Teri Potter:close our doors, and there are little nuclear family of three
Teri Potter:or four or even five, you know, the kids, the wiring in their
Teri Potter:brains has kind of developed in such a way that it doesn't need
Teri Potter:the social connection anywhere else so that it doesn't isn't
Teri Potter:able to make those connections in a sphere, it is inevitable
Teri Potter:that our neural pathways which adapt over time, but you know,
Teri Potter:that he's my mentor, and he's been my teacher for what, two
Teri Potter:years now. And I understand informed just how exactly that
Teri Potter:makes perfect sense. And yet at the same time, I'm also a parent
Teri Potter:of one of these children, right. And as a parent of such a child,
Teri Potter:my experience is really personal, directly and
Teri Potter:personally informed. And I know that there's way more happening
Teri Potter:here than in the formless, as well as the forms. Yeah.
Maureen Spielman:Yeah. So I hear you saying, Terry, you're
Maureen Spielman:just these parts of your journey, and how, maybe at one
Maureen Spielman:point in time, it seemed almost like out of your hands, and
Maureen Spielman:you're escorting your child through the institution through
Maureen Spielman:the system through being labeled through, but not really yet
Maureen Spielman:having the tools to be able to understand it, and kind of know
Maureen Spielman:that when we learn maybe even a few beginning things, we can
Maureen Spielman:really start to turn the tide of the type of interactions that
Maureen Spielman:are occurring in our homes. And I'm wondering, you know, what
Maureen Spielman:were some of those things when you first said, Oh, my gosh,
Maureen Spielman:this is an epiphany, the things I'm learning and, you know, what
Maureen Spielman:were some of the just even simpler, like, what we see is
Maureen Spielman:simpler. But we know there are profound changes.
Teri Potter:Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think it's the things
Teri Potter:that I add, they're always the first things that sort of tumble
Teri Potter:out of my mouth when I'm coaching nowadays, as we start,
Teri Potter:I wonder what it would be like if you were able to sort of
Teri Potter:approach your child and just be you know, I walked around when I
Teri Potter:first learned that one, it was tough. I thought, can I do this?
Teri Potter:And I had to then come face to face with all the voices in my
Teri Potter:head that were telling me, I wonder how we use and wonder if
Teri Potter:he's had a good day? I wonder if he's upset about something. I
Teri Potter:wonder if I wonder if he's done his homework. I wonder if he's
Teri Potter:wonder if he's hurt himself today? Because we were going
Teri Potter:through that at the time. So I learned to do work. You know, I
Teri Potter:think it was Shefali suggested just before you walk in the
Teri Potter:door, just zip the mouth. Walk in with your mouth shut up. And
Teri Potter:I wonder what it would be like to just sit down alongside your
Teri Potter:child? No agenda? No agenda, right? If he's, if he's sitting
Teri Potter:there looking at his phone, maybe I can look at my phone for
Teri Potter:a bit. I'm just sitting right and just sitting or maybe he's
Teri Potter:playing a game. Oh, maybe I play a game and maybe then, you know,
Teri Potter:some some little synergies will occur. So yeah, that was huge,
Teri Potter:because it took a long time for him to realize that I had no
Teri Potter:agenda. Of course, I had an agenda in my heart and in my
Teri Potter:head. I so needed to know what was going on in his life. I just
Teri Potter:couldn't. But I had to take myself out and sit with that. Or
Teri Potter:journal about it or write about or phone a friend, a friend and
Teri Potter:just vent or in the teacher even ask the teacher what's cope. I
Teri Potter:really needed to know what happened at school that day. But
Teri Potter:yeah, my child was one that just wouldn't speak. There's
Teri Potter:selective mutism never ever would he do he doesn't. He
Teri Potter:rarely tells me now what's gone on in his day, but he's much
Teri Potter:more open than he was. But before he could have the most
Teri Potter:extraordinary of days. I remember one day he was at
Teri Potter:school and I was at an open evening, the teacher said, Oh,
Teri Potter:it was incredible to see him the other day. He was he was he had
Teri Potter:the fireman's hose. We had the fire engine and he'd sprayed the
Teri Potter:whole the whole school yard and and then he got this certificate
Teri Potter:for for getting an A star and whatever it was, and I'm like,
Teri Potter:you know, he was six years old. I don't know what this happened
Teri Potter:when he brought this prize home and I hadn't he hadn't given it
Teri Potter:to us. He hadn't told us about this fire engine. I mean, it was
Teri Potter:just kind of crazy stuff. Right? All the other kids So talking
Teri Potter:about it, and he wouldn't tell us anything. So I learned to zip
Teri Potter:it because my kid really needed me to shut up. Okay, he wasn't
Teri Potter:going to talk to me because there wasn't space for him,
Teri Potter:really. So that was the first thing.
Maureen Spielman:Yeah. So Terry, that's, that's a huge, I
Maureen Spielman:can hear you, it's a huge first thing, to be able to, even if
Maureen Spielman:you have the internal agenda, which you're working on all the
Maureen Spielman:time noticing the fears that you might be bringing in any sort of
Maureen Spielman:projections onto him. And to be able to back up and just be in
Maureen Spielman:silence. Is what I'm hearing you say is it created an energetic
Maureen Spielman:shift within the relationship. And also, I always think of that
Maureen Spielman:quality of safety. So for, you know, him to be able to know
Maureen Spielman:that he was being held in a safe space not having things come at
Maureen Spielman:him. Also, that idea of selective mutism, because I
Maureen Spielman:think that whether it is selective mutism, or even I hear
Maureen Spielman:parents say all the time, just a very quiet child, who doesn't
Maureen Spielman:really say much, that that's okay. I always feel like, yeah,
Maureen Spielman:we want information in the here and now. But I remind myself
Maureen Spielman:that is that while we're creating these, the safety and
Maureen Spielman:the container, it is a season we will pass through and come to
Maureen Spielman:the next season where more is able to bloom sort of feels like
Teri Potter:Yeah, and what seems like a question to us as
Teri Potter:adults is a is an interrogation to the child. Right? It really
Teri Potter:is. And then you know, some things, they're just and they're
Teri Potter:not ready to talk until they're ready to talk. So yeah, also, I,
Teri Potter:I know that my child and he's reflected this to me many times
Teri Potter:now is when I'm able to sit with him, and particularly back then
Teri Potter:and just sit with him, he feels so valued. Because I just want
Teri Potter:to hang out, right, I just want to be with, right? I remember
Teri Potter:when the kids was small there being this playful parenting,
Teri Potter:when it first sort of got talked about. I remember them saying
Teri Potter:five minutes of play one to one without any interruptions, you
Teri Potter:don't look away, you know, if your phone rings, you don't
Teri Potter:answer it. Just five minutes, it's gonna buy you three hours
Teri Potter:with your child with your terms of how they're regulated, that's
Teri Potter:just co regulation. Right? So we kind of forget that when they
Teri Potter:get to be young people, I think sometimes. And I'm really
Teri Potter:witnessing the fear factor and a lot of people when when they
Teri Potter:become adolescent, there's a lot of fear in us, you know, as to
Teri Potter:how we're going to be met, or understood or overlooked. not
Teri Potter:heard, misinterpreted. You know, it's, there's a lot of fear out
Teri Potter:there. And we're talking about all of our young people. I think
Teri Potter:the reason that these, this particular demographic of this
Teri Potter:highly sensitive child, and is I keep using the expression
Teri Potter:nailing us to the wall, because it's it's almost like, they've
Teri Potter:come here to bring word, but all of the young people and all of
Teri Potter:the children, here's what needs to change, because it's not the
Teri Potter:education system isn't just not working for these kids. But
Teri Potter:these kids are shouting loud about it, these kids are
Teri Potter:catastrophizing, but this for real, right? They really,
Teri Potter:really, really can't do it. There's a lot of a lot of kids
Teri Potter:that are behaving very, very well go in under the radar,
Teri Potter:enabling the system in a way, you know, because because
Teri Potter:they're just showing up as they're told to.
Maureen Spielman:Yeah, yeah. And I was reflecting on that,
Maureen Spielman:that idea of the change that's being called for directly from
Maureen Spielman:our children. And so you're telling me that, hey, just
Maureen Spielman:sitting down with you, we don't even have to quantify the time
Maureen Spielman:it doesn't. It's really the essence of the quality of the
Maureen Spielman:time we spend with them. But that they're almost I was
Maureen Spielman:thinking about it. They're guiding us like I think the old
Maureen Spielman:paradigm was that either your parents are absolutely there to
Maureen Spielman:guide you. Now. I think of that different lay like that we're
Maureen Spielman:each other's guides. And we're to kind of advance ourselves but
Maureen Spielman:also with the idea of institutions. I think that
Maureen Spielman:schools like we've always put all of our power in the
Maureen Spielman:institution, the school to know how to guide but times have
Maureen Spielman:changed so much and there's just there's the call for change. And
Maureen Spielman:so we've always said out of the mouths of babes. But have we
Maureen Spielman:truly listened to it? Yeah,
Teri Potter:so yeah, absolutely. If we're if we're
Teri Potter:really going to like, tune to the essence of human being,
Teri Potter:what, how moreso than by hearing a child, but really a tuning?
Teri Potter:That was the other one, you know, and when you ask about
Teri Potter:what are the key things? You know, I think attunement was the
Teri Potter:word that Dr. Shefali helped me to account about. And what does
Teri Potter:that mean, Terry, tell me what attunement is. And that idea
Teri Potter:that we could perceive for a moment, what the world is
Teri Potter:looking like, through our child's eyes. You know, if we
Teri Potter:sit with that young person, we just observe them just with real
Teri Potter:curiosity. I mean, the definition of love, right is an
Teri Potter:attempt at understanding the definition of love is an attempt
Teri Potter:at understanding. So let's attempt to understand how can we
Teri Potter:understand without curiosity, let's get really curious. I
Teri Potter:wonder what's going on for him today. I wonder what I look like
Teri Potter:through his eyes. I wonder if I walk into that room? I know what
Teri Potter:he's going to see. Hold on, let me just check myself. Right.
Teri Potter:Then we sit in his seat, let's do a bit of Gestalt therapy, and
Teri Potter:we just sit in his deep suits. It's see me coming. Oh, you
Teri Potter:know, sometimes I'm so guarded or preoccupied or, Alright, got
Teri Potter:a list of questions, you know, I can't help myself. Now, even
Teri Potter:with all this training, and all this time focused on a subject,
Teri Potter:it's so instinctive because it's how we grew up. It's what it's
Teri Potter:what the generations that preceded us, only knew how to do
Teri Potter:nobody's to blame here, right? It's just the way of it. So
Teri Potter:yeah, that attunement is the is the other part of this. And so
Teri Potter:you're talking about it. As with the bigger picture, that idea of
Teri Potter:attuning to what it is, these young people that are so who was
Teri Potter:so close to their essence, in their in their childhood, and
Teri Potter:even in adolescence, they've still got the still so much
Teri Potter:closer than we are, there's so much that we need to learn so
Teri Potter:much we need to tune into and listen to right.
Maureen Spielman:And that, for them to truly be seen for who
Maureen Spielman:they are. When you're talking, I'm thinking about how our
Maureen Spielman:definition of whether we call it success or thriving, it was
Maureen Spielman:really narrow. And the margins are opening up really wide,
Maureen Spielman:where I think the the children, the kids, the teens who were
Maureen Spielman:marginalized, are being invited to be with the whole collective
Maureen Spielman:like we're all together this true, diversified sort of
Maureen Spielman:collective. So that means we have a lot of work as adults to
Maureen Spielman:open up our worldview of who's included, who's included in the
Maureen Spielman:success who's included in the thriving who's it's, it's for
Maureen Spielman:us, all.
Teri Potter:Right, and I think as well, where we've got the
Teri Potter:resources and the wisdom to get beneath them, and support them
Teri Potter:in what they're creating, because they are creating,
Teri Potter:unknowingly they're creating something which is so spacious,
Teri Potter:so diverse. So much possibility here, or the collective of our
Teri Potter:young people today are so supportive of it don't even see
Teri Potter:it as supportive, supportive is not even the right word, because
Teri Potter:it just is that way, right? You haven't young person who's
Teri Potter:gender diverse, you have a young person who's sexuality differs
Teri Potter:from from the next. There is zero judgment. There's this,
Teri Potter:it's just the way of it. My son said to me recently, he said, I
Teri Potter:just, I just wish that there wasn't such a thing as gender.
Teri Potter:And I wish that everybody could just know each other's essence.
Teri Potter:I think he used the word Spark, you know, instead of essence
Teri Potter:because there's probably the word my my language but but I
Teri Potter:thought wow, and I said he's doing and then it wouldn't
Teri Potter:matter who showed up as each day you choppers whoever you felt
Teri Potter:like being you can be masculine, the feminine, you could be
Teri Potter:nothing, you could be everything. And this is what our
Teri Potter:young people are doing. They're doing this today, they're doing
Teri Potter:this in so many different ways. So I mean, I think the way I
Teri Potter:look at it, I mean, I was just going to quote here for are
Teri Potter:looking to my left, because I've got a quote here that sort of
Teri Potter:seems a bit irrelevant. Now. There's, there's an organization
Teri Potter:called pause for kids. It's issues of fact, the founder of
Teri Potter:that program is Carrie Bowers and she's the mom to Taylor
Teri Potter:cross, who's very much part of this organization they talk
Teri Potter:about when we celebrate possibilities in autism. I'm,
Teri Potter:and there's a reason I'm honing in with autism at the moment.
Teri Potter:But the intention isn't to divide the community, your child
Teri Potter:is a light, your child has something to contribute. Their
Teri Potter:mere existence is a light, even if the challenges and pain are
Teri Potter:significant. Parents need to refrain from placing their own
Teri Potter:perceptions and limitations on their children. They need to
Teri Potter:process their own shame, guilt and fear. So while I would go
Teri Potter:beyond that, and I would say that these young people are like
Teri Potter:beacons of light, actually. And they're actually guiding his
Teri Potter:home. I think they're turning the world upside down. I think
Teri Potter:they're debunking all the institutions. They're only
Teri Potter:beginning with this fabled institution of parenting, right,
Teri Potter:which is what we're trying to transform right now. But as
Teri Potter:their caregivers, I mean, look at all the ways that we're
Teri Potter:forced to grow. And to change. I, I wanted to I mean, I've got
Teri Potter:a few different quotes here. But I wanted to talk a little bit,
Teri Potter:though, about the transformation in us as a result of all of this
Teri Potter:is also equally phenomenal, because, well, it's exactly what
Teri Potter:you're saying, we can become a cushion beneath them, and
Teri Potter:provide them this platform, it's hard for them. But without even
Teri Potter:knowing it, unconsciously, they're all coming together. And
Teri Potter:they're creating this expansive, new world of understanding and
Teri Potter:largely acceptance, they've got a battle on their hands, they're
Teri Potter:going to war, these kids, there's no two ways about it. So
Teri Potter:with our wisdom and our understanding, I wonder if we
Teri Potter:can help to underpin that with education. Because even as a
Teri Potter:mom, of a young person who's on a gender journey, who's
Teri Potter:autistic, I continue to educate myself daily about the things
Teri Potter:that I don't understand, I continue to look my own
Teri Potter:prejudices in the eye that I didn't even know existed that
Teri Potter:stemmed from wherever I've come from generations and generations
Teri Potter:of thinking and being a certain way. And I wonder, you know, how
Teri Potter:much we I love this mystical sisterhood, because this is
Teri Potter:bringing together people who are all really not just thinking
Teri Potter:about these things, but they're stepping into this space of
Teri Potter:spacious awareness, right? Of Consciousness of like, okay,
Teri Potter:what do we need to be here? How do we need to show up here? We
Teri Potter:don't know what this is. So So what's being asked of us? And
Teri Potter:how can we bring it and let's all be in it together, this
Teri Potter:sisterhood is phenomenal. Because that's so powerful. as
Teri Potter:well. One person, I think there's more than two people to
Teri Potter:come together. There's a third, right? synergistic effect. I
Teri Potter:mean, it's just like, there's there's someone else in the room
Teri Potter:when there's two, there's three, there's this. Do you know what I
Teri Potter:mean with the energy and what we can do in a community like this
Teri Potter:is otherworldly?
Maureen Spielman:Absolutely. It's otherworldly, it's
Maureen Spielman:exponential. And, yeah, I'm soaking in everything you're
Maureen Spielman:sharing about your journey and, and the hardships that the kids
Maureen Spielman:face. And I what I'm thinking of right now, is when children are
Maureen Spielman:working through, you know, being accepted their own self
Maureen Spielman:acceptance, and whatever is showing up for them, we can
Maureen Spielman:begin to work with parents. And I want to I want to talk a
Maureen Spielman:little bit more about that too. But also, we're often sending
Maureen Spielman:our kids into the, let's say, the, you know, the schools let's
Maureen Spielman:take, and we can foster the environment in the home and
Maureen Spielman:really start to work on that. But what's been your experience
Maureen Spielman:with working with schools? Or what, what are the beginning
Maureen Spielman:changes that are, where I'm not talking about the schools that
Maureen Spielman:are, you know, specialized to meet the modern day child, but
Maureen Spielman:the schools that are the public schools are the that are that
Maureen Spielman:haven't changed a lot. They might be bringing in more
Maureen Spielman:programming or social emotional, but we know when you talk, I
Maureen Spielman:sense that it's not about how do we fix it? And how do we, you
Maureen Spielman:know, approach it from the top down, but how do we approach it
Maureen Spielman:systemically from the inside out? And so what have you seen
Maureen Spielman:as possibilities in that realm for our kids within even our
Maureen Spielman:school systems? I know you're in England, but I think that we
Maureen Spielman:probably near a lot of things that, you know, I have here in
Maureen Spielman:the US.
Teri Potter:Agreed. Yeah, absolutely. And I think, well,
Teri Potter:it asked me that a few years ago, I wouldn't have known how
Teri Potter:to answer that call. Often it's taken a lot for me to actually
Teri Potter:breathe my way through the education system. My child has
Teri Potter:been pretty catastrophic at times, I've, I, you know, a lot
Teri Potter:of my friends, and a lot of my son's friends parents had just
Teri Potter:been, wow, my goodness, I can't even begin to tell you some of
Teri Potter:the journeys they've been on. And it's it's not a very
Teri Potter:supportive institution education right now. However, there's a
Teri Potter:huge grassroots movement of, you know, well, from homeschooling
Teri Potter:to unschooling, but more importantly, than that, people
Teri Potter:going into education and re educating, re educating the
Teri Potter:institution now, my son is now eventually in a specialist
Teri Potter:setting, and it was it was much needed. That specialist setting
Teri Potter:you know, what specialist about it? Shall I tell you what
Teri Potter:specialist about it, honestly, aside from everything else,
Teri Potter:nothing else matters. They're trauma informed. Now, trauma
Teri Potter:informed today is a tagline that people have started to get all
Teri Potter:excited about in the last couple of years, God Almighty has
Teri Potter:become a bit of a rock star, you know, talking about all the
Teri Potter:trauma work, and rightly so phenomenal work, because it
Teri Potter:informs people as to how to be around these young people, every
Teri Potter:young person, actually, but here we go, our kids are pioneers.
Teri Potter:So, you know, they go before everybody else. And they they
Teri Potter:see that, whether they are highly sensitive, of course, are
Teri Potter:going to be traumatized by things that might just pass
Teri Potter:another child by, or they might just be a good kid, that's not
Teri Potter:going to say they're traumatized. However, this work
Teri Potter:is all about acknowledging the spirit, the essence of a person.
Teri Potter:It's about listening. It's about a tuning. It's everything we
Teri Potter:learned in conscious parenting is saying, You know what, you're
Teri Potter:meeting human beings, you're meeting the essence of a human
Teri Potter:being, you're stopping, you're looking at them, you're attuning
Teri Potter:to them, you're listening. And you're compassionate. Really,
Teri Potter:there's lots of tools and tricks to learn in amongst all of that,
Teri Potter:because that doesn't sound like very much, but it's everything.
Teri Potter:If we can bring that to the education system, we can see
Teri Potter:what's working, what's not working, stop ticking boxes, and
Teri Potter:actually just begin to understand the trauma work.
Teri Potter:Those children are getting traumatized day in day out. We
Teri Potter:did as kids, you know. So I mean, everybody's been more
Teri Potter:gentle these days. Even with the best of pastoral care, these
Teri Potter:kids just are being rushed from one thing to the next, being
Teri Potter:overloaded with homework being expected to show up on time. Be
Teri Potter:quick, be quick, be quick, you know, what if? What about what
Teri Potter:if it was open? What if it was a bit more spacious? That's a word
Teri Potter:that keeps coming to me to breathe, and to be and to
Teri Potter:notice. I don't feel so good in this situation.
Maureen Spielman:Terry, so many important comments there when
Maureen Spielman:you talk about trauma informed. I've, you know, you've learned
Maureen Spielman:through Gabor Matta and several other teachers. But when I think
Maureen Spielman:of trauma, you know, the old, the old definition was that
Maureen Spielman:something really big and catastrophic happened in your
Maureen Spielman:life. And I want you to talk about that, just how that's not
Maureen Spielman:the definition strictly anymore. But it also when you talk about
Maureen Spielman:honoring the child that's in front of you, it's just like we
Maureen Spielman:are learning to honor one another in our adult form is
Maureen Spielman:that you come to me, and Terry's not just Terry in front of me in
Maureen Spielman:this moment. Terry's been informed by every single moment
Maureen Spielman:of her life. And I honor that and that's the Terry that's
Maureen Spielman:coming to me right now. And that's what it says about just
Maureen Spielman:what you're talking about trauma, like you're really
Maureen Spielman:honoring the child in front of you for all of their all of
Maureen Spielman:their experiences all of and you're holding them when in such
Maureen Spielman:a gentle and compassionate way.
Teri Potter:Yeah, and isn't that every human beings God
Teri Potter:given right? To be received like that? It's just truth. And when
Teri Potter:you when it's truth, you know, there's not a belief, you know,
Teri Potter:you know that all of these different techniques and ideas
Teri Potter:and ways of parenting and ways of teaching and, you know, I
Teri Potter:believe or I've learned or what do you know, to be true? Let's
Teri Potter:go with what we know. Let's trust this instinct. This is not
Teri Potter:an instinct that need instinct less trust on knowing what's
Teri Potter:what's coming up. But we have to be still for long enough to know
Teri Potter:to feel to hear it. That voice. There might not be a voice it
Teri Potter:might just be a sensation of feeling. She was so squashed
Teri Potter:with squashed in teacher land were squashed in parenting them.
Teri Potter:Everybody seems busy, busy, busy that there is no room. So when I
Teri Potter:say to people, what about, I wonder what it would be like if
Teri Potter:you just sat down next to your child and just I don't have time
Teri Potter:for that I got to cook dinner, I got to do the washing? I got it.
Teri Potter:I know, I know, I know, I've been there. I know. I
Teri Potter:understand. I understand. And I wonder what would happen if you
Teri Potter:sat down the child and just I just want to gather in your
Teri Potter:head, you know, just wonder. Because when you realize when
Teri Potter:you know, because I think any one of us can do that exercise,
Teri Potter:and just sit and close our eyes and say, I can imagine I'm
Teri Potter:sitting down next to my child and not speaking. And imagine
Teri Potter:sitting there for five minutes, just imagine, there's a knowing
Teri Potter:that comes up that this is the right place for me to be, you
Teri Potter:know, you don't have to do together in your head, you know?
Teri Potter:Well, time.
Maureen Spielman:I think you too, I love listening to the
Maureen Spielman:conversation right here at hand because it's so incredibly
Maureen Spielman:calming. And the work that you just described in that parents
Maureen Spielman:scenario of a parent saying, Oh, no, I gotta get up, I got to do
Maureen Spielman:this, it almost feels like that's, that's our nervous
Maureen Spielman:system calling to be calmed. And to be reassured that all as
Maureen Spielman:well, even when we stop, we can. And then the conscious parenting
Maureen Spielman:work is so special to me, because in so many ways, it's
Maureen Spielman:allowed me with what, at first may have felt like a threat of
Maureen Spielman:looking at myself. And the way that I showed up. It became, the
Maureen Spielman:more I was willing to look at myself and guide my husband to,
Maureen Spielman:into looking at ourselves in the way we were showing up. I think
Maureen Spielman:that things that felt threatening about it, or that
Maureen Spielman:were going to make me wrong, or that I hadn't done this for so
Maureen Spielman:many years. And therefore that was wrong. When I started to
Maureen Spielman:allow it in, it became more of a compassionate mirror for myself.
Maureen Spielman:So it was a place that I learned and grew. And I think that
Maureen Spielman:that's what I hear from the container you're building within
Maureen Spielman:your own home. But then in your coaching sessions, it's just
Maureen Spielman:like this really soft, it's honest, these new qualities that
Maureen Spielman:are being called for. Now, right just in on Earth, in general,
Maureen Spielman:we're we're being called to more kindness, compassion, softness,
Maureen Spielman:expansion, spaciousness. I mean, we're using all these words, but
Maureen Spielman:there's a lot of there's a lot of shift and transformation
Maureen Spielman:occurring within them.
Teri Potter:In the in the kindest way, isn't it beautiful?
Teri Potter:Because we're everything, so nothing hurts, right? It doesn't
Teri Potter:hurt. I think one of the most liberating things that happened
Teri Potter:to me when I understood conscious parenting was when I
Teri Potter:look back at all the things that you could, you could label as
Teri Potter:having done wrong, right? Oh, my God, I wish I hadn't done that.
Teri Potter:I wish I had that. You know, and I look at the younger people now
Teri Potter:coming into conscious parenting as parents and starting with
Teri Potter:their babies. I'm like, Oh, wow, all that time I missed. You
Teri Potter:know, however, what I understood is, everybody is exactly where
Teri Potter:they're supposed to be. And when you kind of get your head around
Teri Potter:the fact that note, you know, nobody could have done any
Teri Potter:better. Everybody showed up the very, very best that they could
Teri Potter:with the tools that they have at the time. So how can we have any
Teri Potter:regrets? How can any parent have any regret? Every parent loves
Teri Potter:their child? If they're just if they're unable to connect to
Teri Potter:that love? That's not their fault. That's not their fault.
Teri Potter:That's where they are right now. So what's the best way around
Teri Potter:this for this time? And how can we help mom? And how can we help
Teri Potter:dad because, you know, right now, they're really got their
Teri Potter:own stuff going on. And this is, this is real life. And this is
Teri Potter:how it was meant to be. Everybody's got their own
Teri Potter:sovereign journey, we show up on this planet to be how we are in
Teri Potter:every single moment. So rather than say, Oh, I wish it could
Teri Potter:have been different. Let's not waste that energy. Let's attune
Teri Potter:to Hey, this is where we are. I can see how much you love your
Teri Potter:kid. I can see how tired you are right now. I wonder what we can
Teri Potter:do to to, you know, to work with? No, because here,
Teri Potter:everybody, kindly, zero everywhere. That was really
Teri Potter:freeing for me because I suddenly thought, I don't have
Teri Potter:to carry this guilt. And I had so much parent guilt, Mother
Teri Potter:guilt. Oh, yeah. Right. And I always had so much anger towards
Teri Potter:my family of origin as well. And again, when you understand that
Teri Potter:everybody's doing the best they can at every given moment, then.
Maureen Spielman:Yeah, I agree with you. I was I was in that
Maureen Spielman:guilt for a long time to questioning everything and
Maureen Spielman:having a lot of anger and resentment, but that was also
Maureen Spielman:pointing to me to what I was being called to heal within me.
Maureen Spielman:And within those relationships, and I think think that the, our
Maureen Spielman:kids are really calling for us to trust them. And so many of us
Maureen Spielman:were led away from what we really knew to be true, that it
Maureen Spielman:is our honor and privilege to be able to know that we can help
Maureen Spielman:kids younger and younger, stay close to their intuition stay
Maureen Spielman:close to their knowing, use their voice to express their
Maureen Spielman:deep needs, wants and desires. Because so many in our
Maureen Spielman:generation and what came before us, we simply weren't really
Maureen Spielman:given that space.
Teri Potter:Yeah, we were terrified of big feelings,
Teri Potter:right? That was one of my biggest lessons was I had to
Teri Potter:learn for myself why I was so afraid that my child was so
Teri Potter:upset that my child was so in so much pain. Why was that sending
Teri Potter:me into fight flight, you know, I needing desperately to fix
Teri Potter:them. When you know, when I really broke that down, I
Teri Potter:realized how absolutely terrified I was of having big
Teri Potter:feelings myself. And what that would have meant was nobody to
Teri Potter:hear them. So as a child, and you just think I'm almost gone,
Teri Potter:I'm going to disappear. Because I've got these big feelings, and
Teri Potter:everyone's looking at me like you shouldn't have them. You
Teri Potter:know, there's no way for you to go as a child. So you're just
Teri Potter:left with this trauma response. That's it. So now I can sit with
Teri Potter:my child and he's upset and I say, hey, yeah, I can see is a
Teri Potter:tricky day. That sucks. Okay, well, I'm here if you need me,
Teri Potter:I'm here. I'm not smothering. I'm not sticky. I'm just, I'm
Teri Potter:around if you need me, you know, rather than, okay, I'm gonna go
Teri Potter:sort this out, or, you know, whatever it was I was doing,
Teri Potter:there was a big fixer.
Maureen Spielman:Yeah. And my, I think around strong emotions,
Maureen Spielman:who I used to be really uncomfortable around strong
Maureen Spielman:emotions, and it's still a part of me that I walk through that
Maureen Spielman:is still I have to talk to myself actively when it's
Maureen Spielman:occurring, and be with myself to say, like, it's okay, you can,
Maureen Spielman:you can be in this space, and you can support what's happening
Maureen Spielman:right in front of you. And at the same time, you know, giving
Maureen Spielman:myself just really loving language to it's so
Maureen Spielman:understandable why you want to flee or you want to leave, or
Maureen Spielman:you just want to make this stop, because I was always suppressed
Maureen Spielman:in that way. And so to meet our do you do, like do you do work
Maureen Spielman:around working with the voices and giving compassionate
Maureen Spielman:language for parents to use with themselves.
Teri Potter:You know, what I what I really love and I am and
Teri Potter:I've got so use familiar with it now that I'm noticing that I'm,
Teri Potter:I'm talking about my child. And I'm not even really mentioning
Teri Potter:what I do when I when I step away. I've got some wonderful
Teri Potter:practices now. There's, you know, one of the one of the ones
Teri Potter:that everybody should should know about is rain by Tara brach
Teri Potter:and working through the radical acceptance there. But I tend to
Teri Potter:do some work with just noticing what's going on in my body. One
Teri Potter:thing I was taught very early, was every day, you got to go and
Teri Potter:close your bedroom door for as much time as you can muster,
Teri Potter:maybe five minutes, 15 minutes an hour, if you can phenomenal
Teri Potter:every day. Just be with yourself. And when you're with
Teri Potter:yourself, it's not doing, it's just being it's existing, it's
Teri Potter:noticing, it's feeling into whatever's happening in your
Teri Potter:body, breathing into it, noticing the sensations, not
Teri Potter:labeling anything, we don't have to call it anything, which is
Teri Potter:feeling. You know, it's really all about getting better at
Teri Potter:feeling and being with the feelings, carrying the feelings,
Teri Potter:and knowing that they're not going to eat us up, knowing that
Teri Potter:they're not going to swallow us whole. Getting comfortable with
Teri Potter:the feelings is the most important factor for me. Because
Teri Potter:once I learned that I could actually ride those waves and
Teri Potter:they weren't going to kill me, I realized I could just do that
Teri Potter:all the time. And whenever I got into a panic, I could just sit
Teri Potter:with Breathe, allow, you know, whatever practices allow us to
Teri Potter:get back to ourselves like that and getting out into nature. And
Teri Potter:I know we all hear this. I mean, people used to say this never
Teri Potter:went in with me get out. Today, you know, yoga was really good
Teri Potter:be meditation. But I didn't really understand what
Teri Potter:meditation was until I made it personal. And that making it
Teri Potter:personal for me is everybody experiences their feelings and
Teri Potter:emotions are different in their body. I have a real strong sense
Teri Potter:of the vibration, the sensation, and I can just allow myself to
Teri Potter:drop in to that and just be with that. But you listen to somebody
Teri Potter:else in their experience might be much more much more sensory.
Teri Potter:It might be much more about listening to sounds or you know,
Teri Potter:noticing something in the room. So Everybody's got their own way
Teri Potter:in. Being in the shower and just being in the shower. That was a
Teri Potter:challenge for me early on when I started this work to feel the
Teri Potter:water landing. Nothing more. Yeah, I'm in the shower. I'm not
Teri Potter:in the shower, thinking what I'm gonna do next I like being in
Teri Potter:the water landing, noticing it on my body just like in little
Teri Potter:things.
Maureen Spielman:It's so beautiful. Terry, I, when you
Maureen Spielman:say that right there. I'm thinking attunement to yourself.
Maureen Spielman:Yeah, right. And so we were talking about attuning to our
Maureen Spielman:children, and taking the time for the exquisite attunement to
Maureen Spielman:ourself. And so in those spaces really getting to know you're
Maureen Spielman:like you're saying, like, what's occurring for me and my body, I
Maureen Spielman:continue to say that the emote the land of emotions, and the
Maureen Spielman:work of emotions, and why emotions are here for us and how
Maureen Spielman:intelligent they are. And really noticing our discomfort with
Maureen Spielman:certain certain emotions, you know, we have this column that
Maureen Spielman:are good, and this that are, and that's kind of conscious
Maureen Spielman:parenting 101. But I think it's like, for me as an adult
Maureen Spielman:learning that, you know, just a few years ago, it is life
Maureen Spielman:foundations, 101. And I and, and I always say that, and I'll say
Maureen Spielman:that in every episode is that, hey, I'm doing this stuff. Right
Maureen Spielman:now I am working out, you know, actively on all of these things.
Teri Potter:Yeah, absolutely. There's no good or bad to me
Teri Potter:just to really get my head around that all emotions are
Teri Potter:good. All emotions with me more about that we ride a roller
Teri Potter:coaster, and it's all good. Even the downbeat. So you're
Teri Potter:screaming your head off, this is Whoa, this is the bit and then
Teri Potter:you get to the bottom you got I did that, you know, it's all
Teri Potter:there. For us. The only the view that we have that we were
Teri Potter:brought with to adulthood from childhood is that if we have
Teri Potter:these huge, huge feelings, they're gonna overwhelm us and
Teri Potter:we could die. That's the sense that we have, it's a child's
Teri Potter:view, because the child, you know, just born when the parent
Teri Potter:isn't looking at them, and that they're having a real meltdown
Teri Potter:and the parent walks out. I mean, that's the truth for them.
Teri Potter:They really believe they die. And that's the imprint, and we
Teri Potter:carry that imprint into adulthood. Yes, so just spelling
Teri Potter:that myth, having a word with Dr. bugaboo articles that are
Teri Potter:stupid friend, that part of us that defends us, and protects us
Teri Potter:when we're when we're a small child. And so being able to say,
Teri Potter:don't have big emotions, because you might die. Well then
Teri Potter:introduce that stupid friend to your 4050 year old self, and
Teri Potter:just say, Hey, thanks for being there. Or this time, I really
Teri Potter:appreciate you. But how about you take a backseat, there's
Teri Potter:another job you can do write in a quiet
Teri Potter:house, get them to meet your kids the age that you are and
Teri Potter:that you don't need that protection anymore.
Maureen Spielman:It's so true. It's so true, Terry. And I'm
Maureen Spielman:thinking to have your experience with not only your own home,
Maureen Spielman:your own family, but the families whom you've worked with
Maureen Spielman:is the thing that I want people to know and I think you can
Maureen Spielman:really speak to is when we begin to do the work whether it's with
Maureen Spielman:ourselves in tandem with with our showing up in a new way for
Maureen Spielman:our children, change occurs, change occurs right in front of
Maureen Spielman:you can you speak to that? Because I think that that's a
Maureen Spielman:message that's really important for parents to hear that that
Maureen Spielman:this you've seen this work in action so what do you see
Teri Potter:what I see when a child is heard, whether I'm
Teri Potter:coaching them or whether it's a child of my own in my family is
Teri Potter:that they they are what's the word I'm looking for? They feel
Teri Potter:valued. And with that sense of value, that sense of self worth.
Teri Potter:They become
Unknown:who they are,
Teri Potter:let him become who they remember who they are. And
Teri Potter:when you've got people walking on this planet who remember who
Teri Potter:they are as human beings, then everybody around them has a
Teri Potter:different experience a positive experience of that person. And
Teri Potter:you know the the knock on effect of that is just forever and ever
Teri Potter:right. I know that one particular for So I've been
Teri Potter:working with recently, I just got some feedback from mom,
Teri Potter:which was amazing. And they said that their child is talking to
Teri Potter:them again, the, you know, the more sort of physical contact,
Teri Potter:there's more just openness you have people just need to be
Teri Potter:heard. There's so much more to this. I know, I'm simply
Teri Potter:oversimplifying, perhaps, but But yes, and no, I think we just
Teri Potter:need to learn a new language, the effective change. I mean,
Teri Potter:there's so much I could talk about here, we've got our young
Teri Potter:people that we began talking about, you know, that are either
Teri Potter:on the spectrum or highly sensitive that are going through
Teri Potter:so many different journeys, that puts them in the minority, you
Teri Potter:know, we've got the disability factor, we've got them
Teri Potter:loneliness, the isolation, the sort of being gender non
Teri Potter:conforming, and, you know, all of those things that, that
Teri Potter:stopped them from fitting fitting in the world, like a
Teri Potter:jigsaw piece, you know, everyone's expected to be the
Teri Potter:perfect jigsaw piece to fit in, in this world. And they just,
Teri Potter:they just aren't. And then so the odds of, you know, the sad
Teri Potter:the sad part about that is the, you know, the people with these
Teri Potter:kinds of in these kind of minorities, you know, I mean,
Teri Potter:people with ASD, I think, three times, the odds are three times
Teri Potter:higher that they're going to self harm than than somebody
Teri Potter:without ASD, you know, autistic spectrum. So it's not even ASD.
Teri Potter:Now, it's ASC apologize. But, you know, they're at an
Teri Potter:increased risk for suicidality and all these behaviors, but we,
Teri Potter:so when we listen to young people like that, the world's a
Teri Potter:kinder place. They listen to each other, you listen to one
Teri Potter:person, one person listens to another person, everybody's
Teri Potter:paying it forward all the time. So I think the world just
Teri Potter:continues to change, you know, mental health problems improve
Teri Potter:overall. And, you know, this minority stress, that's a real
Teri Potter:thing out there. It lessens its communities grow, and people are
Teri Potter:hearing each other, acting each other and valuing each other.
Teri Potter:Absolutely. Yeah.
Maureen Spielman:So inspirational. You inspire me so
Maureen Spielman:much, Terry. You know, and I think of I know that we're
Maureen Spielman:coming to a close here soon. But, you know, you've mentioned
Maureen Spielman:here and there, you know, just labels in general. And is there
Maureen Spielman:a way that you guide parents to gently hold the label while
Maureen Spielman:meeting their child? Where they where they are? Or is there some
Maureen Spielman:work around there that are any kind of words of wisdom?
Teri Potter:Yeah, I mean, for sure. I mean, I work a lot with
Teri Potter:young people that are perhaps on a on a gender journey, the early
Teri Potter:stages, actually parents a lot, because I know when that was,
Teri Potter:first us, it was a shocking situation for us to be in, we
Teri Potter:didn't understand it. We were terrified for a child. But the
Teri Potter:diagnoses, autism, ADHD, all of those young people that the
Teri Potter:children that are gifted these late, gifted these levels now,
Teri Potter:that's an interesting term phrase, but I use it because I
Teri Potter:remember when Aiden was diagnosed at the age of seven,
Teri Potter:that the man who did it he, the psychologist gave me this
Teri Potter:diagnosis and said, This is your golden ticket. Now, at the time,
Teri Potter:I'm like, I'm sorry, I've no idea what you're talking about.
Teri Potter:But it became obvious that this was your pass, you know, so
Teri Potter:they're important and relevant. From the perspective that way
Teri Potter:the institutions are set up, we have to be able to go with our
Teri Potter:ticket and say, I need this, I need this, I need this. But hold
Teri Potter:it lightly. That would be my message to myself going back was
Teri Potter:hold it lightly. Because there's so much more than the label and
Teri Potter:let's talk about the root cause rather than the symptoms of how
Teri Potter:our kids are showing up. They why are they so exasperated,
Teri Potter:frustrated, anxious, why have they got all of these behaviors
Teri Potter:that we're all struggling to work with? Why, why because what
Teri Potter:they require from us, is just a different way of showing up and
Teri Potter:it is specially tuned.
Maureen Spielman:Yeah, thank you for that. I really enjoy
Maureen Spielman:that. Just holding the golden ticket very, very lightly, very
Maureen Spielman:loosely, very lightly. And just kind of imparting to, to those
Maureen Spielman:who might be listening, that it's all so worthy of our time
Maureen Spielman:and our energy to make space to learn about these ways of being
Maureen Spielman:and you know, whether we call it conscious parenting, we don't
Maureen Spielman:even really need to put a label on it at all. It's just a manner
Maureen Spielman:of intending to, to form deep connections and lasting ones
Maureen Spielman:with our children. and that will, will not only change their
Maureen Spielman:lives but affect the generations to come. And that, if I found
Maureen Spielman:anything is it's a, it's a multi year, lifetime journey that I'm
Maureen Spielman:on in creating change and creating the types of
Maureen Spielman:relationships I want to experience and there's no,
Maureen Spielman:there's no rush to it, there's no. So I'm holding that lightly
Maureen Spielman:to or just just so gently and compassionately to know that
Maureen Spielman:there's not a quick fix. But when we put our energy and
Maureen Spielman:intention into it, shifts began to occur. So I
Teri Potter:said that because the lovely Alicia, you popped
Teri Potter:into my head after your podcasting of the day, I haven't
Teri Potter:had time to comment, but I was listening and I, I, you know,
Teri Potter:when you talk about time being nonlinear, this exactly that
Teri Potter:because here we are doing this work and the world is changing.
Teri Potter:Eckart Tolle calls it a new earth. And here we are showing
Teri Potter:up doing this work. Because to do this work, is to meet the new
Teri Potter:the new breed of people that are populating our planet. And we
Teri Potter:don't know enough. So perhaps we can reframe education as an
Teri Potter:institution, what if we were to overtake education as an
Teri Potter:institution and begin to talk about all of these things that
Teri Potter:matter energetically, kind of in terms of supporting the future
Teri Potter:for these young people and a future let's also acknowledge
Teri Potter:that we really don't, we really don't know what it's going to
Teri Potter:look like, either. Be the people that are setting our kids up for
Teri Potter:this phenomenal future when we actually, nobody knows what
Teri Potter:that's gonna look like? Because it's so what if we listen, what
Teri Potter:if we listen?
Maureen Spielman:Yeah, it's so infused with love possibility.
Maureen Spielman:And the things that I choose to see falling away are the
Maureen Spielman:judgment and the shame that has so close to everything, because
Maureen Spielman:the conversations we're having today are to just open up the
Maureen Spielman:field of possibilities for for our kids for ourselves. And
Maureen Spielman:there's no judgment on what what's occurred in the past.
Maureen Spielman:It's just we are moving with the times, we are not reacting to
Maureen Spielman:the times, but responding to them. And living in New very,
Maureen Spielman:like it's a choice. It's I want to live this way. And I'm seeing
Maureen Spielman:evidence that it is it is helping with the thriving, so
Maureen Spielman:yeah.
Teri Potter:Yeah. Utah, right. Resistance is futile. Let's
Teri Potter:let's flow. Let's adapt, let's just be with it all, let's,
Teri Potter:let's hear what they've got to say. And that's beautiful. I
Teri Potter:love this company.
Maureen Spielman:I know it's a beautiful conversation today.
Maureen Spielman:And in just the beginning. I always love to hear from our
Maureen Spielman:listeners, what resonated with them, and I have a feeling this
Maureen Spielman:is going to be really impactful. So if they want to find you,
Maureen Spielman:Terry, do you have an online presence a website? What can you
Maureen Spielman:share with our audience so they can look into your work if
Maureen Spielman:they'd like to? Yeah, it's
Teri Potter:real easy. It's Terry potter.com. That's T ri.
Teri Potter:Potter, as in Harry potter.com. Yeah, and all of my details,
Teri Potter:contact details are there too. And a blog, feel free to jump on
Teri Potter:take a read all my socials are on there as well.
Maureen Spielman:Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I'll put
Maureen Spielman:it in the notes of the episode today. And I just want to thank
Maureen Spielman:you so, so deeply for being here and sharing with us. I love the
Maureen Spielman:conversation and can't wait for our next one.
Teri Potter:So grateful for the opportunity, man. Thank you.
Teri Potter:Thank you. All right, well
Maureen Spielman:see you next time. Thanks for listening to
Maureen Spielman:today's episode of mystical sisterhood. If you like what you
Maureen Spielman:heard, please visit iTunes or wherever you listen to subscribe
Maureen Spielman:so you don't miss a single episode. And I'd be so honored
Maureen Spielman:if you have time to leave a review. To find out more about
Maureen Spielman:my work visit www.Maureenspielman.com and
Maureen Spielman:download the five daily practices I can't live without.
