32: The Importance Of Soul Care For Overwhelmed Moms With Catherine Wilde
Catherine Wilde, founder of Soul Care Mom, joins me on the podcast. Catherine began offering meditations over 5 years ago, not knowing that a full-fledged business tending to overwhelmed mothers would be in her future. Catherine now offers coaching and a membership to moms across the world, coming together to lean into one another and learn skills to come to themselves with compassion and understanding. A breath of fresh air, stepping away from the doing culture, and supporting mothers to create a sustainable state of being is what Catherine Wilde offers to her clients. Join us for this soul fulfilling conversation!
EPISODE TAKEAWAYS (what you’ll learn):
- The relationship between time and your worth
- How to step into the flow
- How to come back to yourself with compassion
- The power of setting boundaries
- How to embrace the present moment
About the Guest:
Catherine Wilde is a homeschooling mom of three, Founder of Soul Care Mom, and Best Selling Author of Reclaiming Your Inner Sparkle. She’s also a life coach for moms, a yoga & meditation teacher, and the creator of the transformative membership Vibrant Mom Life. She believes you can feel calm and find your unshakable confidence as a mom when you first care for yourself. She is passionate about helping women get out of survival mode and release mom guilt, so they can create a life they love while being the mom they’ve always dreamed of being. Get your free gift at soulcaremom.com/kickstart so you can start your day with self love and be the calm, present mom you want to be!
Find Catherine Wilde here:
About the Host:
Maureen Spielman is the Founder of Mystical Sisterhood, a podcast dedicated to bringing more joy, healing and expansion to the world. She is a seasoned life coach who supports individuals through one-on-one coaching, groups and workshops.
Connect with Maureen:
● Check out her Instagram: @maureeenspielman
● Learn more about her work at www.maureenspielman.com
● Want to join our Mystical Sisterhood Membership community? Find out more here: https://www.maureenspielman.com/mysticalsisterhood
● Email Maureen at hello@maureenspielman.com to inquire about coaching, podcasting & speaking engagements
● Want to view Mystical Sisterhood episodes? Visit the Mystical Sisterhood YouTube Channel here: Magical Sisterhood Youtube
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Transcript
Please join me in welcoming Catherine wild to
Maureen Spielman:mystical sisterhood this week. This is your host, Maureen
Maureen Spielman:Spielman. And I sit down with the best selling author of
Maureen Spielman:reclaiming your inner sparkle to talk about how moms can best
Maureen Spielman:care for themselves. It's a new generation where we're learning
Maureen Spielman:to put self care or soul care into place within our lives.
Maureen Spielman:Because we know when we don't make time for the precious
Maureen Spielman:commodity that is ourselves, that we really suffer and we
Maureen Spielman:don't bring our best selves to the table or feel aligned with
Maureen Spielman:how we're really meant to feel. So, join us in this great
Maureen Spielman:conversation today and let me know what you think it was a
Maureen Spielman:pleasure to sit down with Katherine and learn more about
Maureen Spielman:her business and how she supports overwhelmed moms.
Maureen Spielman:Thanks for being here, and I'll see you in the episode.
Unknown:Hey there, welcome to mystical sisterhood. This is
Unknown:your host, Maureen Spielman. I started the show to highlight
Unknown:the intuitives healers and other courageous women that I've met
Unknown:along my journey and continue to meet. Through amazing
Unknown:interviews, I seek to ask insightful questions to uncover
Unknown:ways in which you the listener can apply the wisdom and
Unknown:knowledge to your own life. I believe that we're all in this
Unknown:together. So sharing healing and joy, and bringing community
Unknown:together is both my passion and purpose. If you'd like to learn
Unknown:more about the mystical sisterhood community I'm
Unknown:building please visit www mystical sisterhood.com See you
Unknown:in the episode.
Unknown:Hello, and welcome back to mystical sisterhood. This is
Unknown:your host, Maureen Spielman. And today I'm sitting down with
Unknown:Catherine wild of soul care, mom, and Catherine and I were
Unknown:lucky enough to meet I'd say, a year and a half ago, when her
Unknown:name started coming across my radar, through our shared
Unknown:teacher Susie Lulu. And I know that Suzy had you on her radar
Unknown:because of the name of what you were doing soul care, mom. But
Unknown:the beauty of your work, too. And so I think the reason I love
Unknown:having you here, one of them today, Katherine is because self
Unknown:care or soul care, or whatever we call it.
Unknown:Whatever resonates with people to name it is so utterly
Unknown:important in our journey as mothers and as women. I know
Unknown:your target audience is mothers who may be overwhelmed,
Unknown:overworked, in the weeds, frustrated, whatever it is, we
Unknown:can kind of talk about some of those things. But the work is so
Unknown:essential. And there's so many mothers out there that don't
Unknown:have a lifeline when they're beginning. And they had no
Unknown:roadmap as to what the what life would look like, after children.
Unknown:And so I consider your work to be just
Unknown:so needed in the world. So welcome. Thank you. I'm so so
Unknown:happy to be here in chat with you. Yeah, yeah. So I'm so
Unknown:curious about the origins of your work and how you first
Unknown:stepped into it, or a how you first had the idea to develop
Unknown:what you were seeing into your career.
Catherine Wilde:So I, you know, I have three girls, we
Catherine Wilde:homeschool and,
Catherine Wilde:like you were saying, like, I didn't have that lifeline. When
Catherine Wilde:I started. I didn't, I didn't fully understand what it was
Catherine Wilde:going to be like, you know, the experience of being a mom. So
Catherine Wilde:looking at I looked forward to it so much and, but they're
Catherine Wilde:doing it alone, and the stress and the overwhelm, and all of
Catherine Wilde:the sleeplessness, all of those things like those hit me really
Catherine Wilde:hard.
Unknown:And I, you know, I get it. Like, as a mom, we do so
Unknown:many things. And so many things are asked of us. And we just
Unknown:want to be you know, playful and present with our kids. And when
Unknown:we're running on empty, it's really hard to do that. And so
Unknown:for so long, I felt this deep, like sense of despair, like I
Unknown:was convinced that I wasn't measuring up as a mom, you know,
Unknown:it seemed like every tantrum or each time I felt short tempered,
Unknown:or all those tear filled moments, they were pointing to
Unknown:this conclusion that I was defective as a mom, you know,
Unknown:and so, I believe that somehow I was just ill equipped for
Unknown:motherhood. And I felt really ashamed around that and it
Unknown:looked like everyone else like all these other moms were just
Unknown:handling it flawlessly. So that was so hard and but I did start
Unknown:to notice something. I noticed that each time I did something
Unknown:kind for myself, no matter no matter how small it was.
Unknown:And I took care of my needs in some way, I felt better. And so
Unknown:yeah, so as I started to, like, look for these little pockets,
Unknown:and these little places in my day where I could do something
Unknown:nice for myself, things changed. And like you were saying, like
Unknown:self care is, it's this term that we hear often.
Unknown:But it's true importance kind of gets lost. And it's, you know,
Unknown:mom life, the responsibilities, all the things. And I had
Unknown:convinced myself that taking time for myself was a luxury
Unknown:that I couldn't afford, I didn't have time for it, it was
Unknown:selfish. But I slowly started to realize that by neglecting
Unknown:myself, I was unintentionally depleting the very, you know,
Unknown:reservoir of energy, and patience and love, that I needed
Unknown:to be the mom that I wanted to be. And it wasn't an instant
Unknown:transformation. But it gave me this glimmer of hope. So I
Unknown:decided, you know, to embrace self care lien on, you know,
Unknown:friends and families and other moms for support, I started
Unknown:carving out moments for self care, like meditating, reading,
Unknown:you know, just enjoying a cup of tea, pausing, breathing,
Unknown:reconnecting with myself in any little way. And as I focused on
Unknown:my needs, I found that I was better able to meet my
Unknown:children's needs, you know. And I discovered that prioritizing
Unknown:myself, helped me to give more generously to those around me
Unknown:without feeling depleted, I could be more patient and
Unknown:present and loving.
Unknown:And not despite my self care, but because of it, you know, and
Unknown:so that love and support and self care that I received from
Unknown:the people around me, didn't diminish me as a mother, you
Unknown:know, that he enhanced everything. And my journey led
Unknown:me to help other moms to reconnect with themselves to
Unknown:fill their cup so they can really enjoy, you know, this
Unknown:precious time that we have with our kids. Oh, yeah. I love that.
Unknown:Thank you for sharing all of it. You know, it reminds me to or I,
Unknown:the question that comes to me, is this idea of what your needs
Unknown:are? And
Unknown:do you feel like motherhood allowed you to almost define
Unknown:what your needs were better than even before having had kids?
Unknown:Because that whole area of what am I what am I needing right now
Unknown:can be very gray, and really hard to pinpoint as to what will
Unknown:sort of nourish us at more of a soul level. And I think that
Unknown:that's a we can also call it self care, but it is soul care,
Unknown:because it's nourishing at that soul level. Yeah. Oh, yeah, for
Unknown:sure. You know, becoming a mom like you, you're kind of forced
Unknown:into it, you know, there's no cap, there's no way out. Really.
Unknown:It's kind of like when you I haven't done this myself. But
Unknown:you know, when people go on, go abroad to learn a new language,
Unknown:they immerse themselves in the language, you have to learn it,
Unknown:like you're thrown into this thing. And if you don't learn
Unknown:it, you're not gonna, like, know where to get food, you know?
Unknown:Yeah. So I think whether it is a lot like that, you kind of get
Unknown:thrown into this, and it wakes you up in so many ways. And you
Unknown:start to realize, oh, okay, like, this is what I need. And,
Unknown:and I think, like, you know, as children or, as babies, you
Unknown:know, we start coming into the world, like knowing, like, I
Unknown:need, you know, what you need, and you're really connected to
Unknown:who you are.
Unknown:And then, you know, slowly, we get told, like, Okay, this is
Unknown:more important than that, or that, you know, this is what you
Unknown:should be doing. And so we start to get disconnected from what it
Unknown:is where what we actually need. And we know, we know, deep
Unknown:within that. So if you feel like, you know, lost in that
Unknown:process and journey of really reconnecting with yourself,
Unknown:which is what soul care is, right? Yeah, yeah. And it
Unknown:reminds me too, of maybe the roles that maybe we saw growing
Unknown:up, or the word martyr just came to me. And just this idea that
Unknown:we have to be all things to all people. And a lot of us grew up
Unknown:with that, like, needing to be the mother that was emotionally
Unknown:present, had like the meals on the table, like had to have
Unknown:everything together. And that's kind of a really unrealistic
Unknown:expectation, but one we put on ourselves. And add to that, if
Unknown:you are a mother juggling a full time job, then and I mean,
Unknown:either way, stay at home or out in the field, whatever it is
Unknown:bringing humans into this earth. It's it's just it exponential
Unknown:eyes is how much we're caring for. So back to your point that
Unknown:because of that, it makes perfect sense that we would need
Unknown:to care for ourselves in an up leveled way. Yes, yes,
Unknown:absolutely. Yeah. And you're right. So we're so blessed in so
Unknown:many ways. Like we have the opportunity to work outside the
Unknown:home or to start our own business and to have the family
Unknown:and you know, yeah, it's almost not set up for us to be in our
Unknown:feminine in that
Unknown:Well, we're we're just doing all the time, you know, we were
Unknown:talking about the feminine before we got started. But yeah,
Unknown:it's really this softening into yourself and allowing yourself
Unknown:to be more in those moments, you know, to really connect with
Unknown:yourself with your kids. And
Unknown:it's yeah, it's, it's definitely something that I am on a journey
Unknown:of, of just paying more attention to, even as a woman,
Unknown:like your cycles and things like that affect what times of month
Unknown:that you have more energy to, like, be more in your masculine
Unknown:taking the action, you know, versus slowing down and
Unknown:really connecting and, yeah, just being it's, yeah. So I
Unknown:think that what I just am putting together about your work
Unknown:too, is
Unknown:this idea of supporting women on their journey for deep self care
Unknown:and deep self connection. And then you've got that community
Unknown:piece, and I think about the community piece a lot, because
Unknown:even what you were talking about when you entered motherhood, and
Unknown:then you had these, this experience of putting so much on
Unknown:yourself that you weren't good enough. And that I always think
Unknown:about how we can be going through similar journeys as the
Unknown:woman next to us, yet it can be a really lonely journey. And so
Unknown:we know we're not alone, but we feel very alone. And that idea
Unknown:that if we can be in conversation with people within
Unknown:our, you know, whatever that group is for us,
Unknown:and in being vulnerable conversations, that's where
Unknown:healing can happen.
Unknown:When moms come to you, what is their sort of like, a profile?
Unknown:Or is it different stages of
Unknown:their experiences of what they're experiencing through
Unknown:motherhood?
Unknown:Yeah, yeah. Like you were saying, it's really so similar.
Unknown:You know, we have like, our kids are different personalities, and
Unknown:like different ages. And you know,
Unknown:we have, you know, different Yeah, just family dynamics. But
Unknown:really, we're all going through something so similar, you know,
Unknown:we all feel so alone in it. And there's not often a safe space
Unknown:to share with others. Yeah.
Unknown:Yeah. And the realness of sometimes what it looks like,
Unknown:you know, I can have this intention that I want to have a
Unknown:really harmonious home, but then have these moments where things
Unknown:are just falling apart, or I'm depleted, and I lose my temper
Unknown:or whatever it is, and we're unlike you and I are, we always
Unknown:have that conversation about not only soul care, but like this
Unknown:whole thing that I call conscious parenting, but we have
Unknown:the these ways that we want to be and we have to realize that
Unknown:when we're going through it, we're healing
Unknown:patterns of the way we were brought up. So I'm saying that
Unknown:because I was brought up, definitely more disciplinary,
Unknown:kind of seen and not heard. So like, if I'm coming to a child,
Unknown:or I think of myself when my kids were little, and they
Unknown:wanted to have a voice. I had conflict within me, because it's
Unknown:like, I wanted them to have that voice yet. I wasn't given that
Unknown:voice. And so how do I foster them having that voice in the
Unknown:absence of never having been modeled that?
Unknown:Yeah, yeah, that's definitely so true. Like, we're on this, like,
Unknown:we're both you know, our children are growing, and we can
Unknown:see them, you know, getting bigger and learning things. And,
Unknown:but we're growing right along with them. And we're, we're
Unknown:becoming aware of the patterns that we have, and whether or not
Unknown:we want to keep them, you know, if we want to show up
Unknown:differently, and it's so empowering to know, I think,
Unknown:even when it comes to your self care and your beliefs around
Unknown:what self care is or whether or not you're worthy of it,
Unknown:deciding to you know, like, shine a light on that and see,
Unknown:like, oh, is this how I want to keep going? Is this helping me?
Unknown:And that can create such a powerful shift, just that
Unknown:awareness? And then being intentional about Yeah, no,
Unknown:that's not what I want for my life. I really want to thrive
Unknown:and have this overflowing cup. So I have so much to give, you
Unknown:know, yeah, I like that. Because it reminds me of just this idea
Unknown:of limiting beliefs and limiting beliefs we have about
Unknown:not only our time, and that's real too, but like time or what
Unknown:our models were around any kind of self care and then
Unknown:the models time Oh, I'm forgetting the third one I was
Unknown:gonna say but just like what are the limiting beliefs you
Unknown:sometimes see young moms or moms coming in with about self care
Unknown:or self care? Oh my gosh, time is a huge one. And it's
Unknown:definitely still a journey I am on just re
Unknown:shifting my relationship with time you know, we I recently
Unknown:rewatched
Unknown:Add one of the new Wonder Woman movies and,
Unknown:and it's a Wonder Woman, like, you know, she lives in this
Unknown:other realm or something, right? And so she sees the watch for
Unknown:the first time. And she asks, like, she's like, What do you
Unknown:know? What is that? And, and then he explains like, Okay,
Unknown:this is what a watch is, this is what you know, time is and
Unknown:she just like, okay, so you allow that small thing to tell
Unknown:you what to do to dictate your life.
Unknown:And it's this thing that we created, right? It's got
Unknown:something to pay attention to and get curious about, like,
Unknown:what is your relationship with time and time, you know, isn't
Unknown:this thing that's good or bad, it's just neutral, and we get to
Unknown:decide what we think about it. So we're, you know, we we can
Unknown:experience time differently based on, you know, our level of
Unknown:presence and connection in the moment with ourselves.
Unknown:And you can probably think of like, you know, a time when you
Unknown:felt like a minute felt excruciatingly long and another
Unknown:in an hour or a day, just,
Unknown:you know, they say time flies when you're having fun. So it's
Unknown:just really this, you know, perception in this relationship
Unknown:that we have with it. So allowing yourself to play with
Unknown:the idea of time, your relationship with it, noticing,
Unknown:noticing what's different within you, when time appears to flow
Unknown:differently, you know,
Unknown:and just the idea of past and future their concepts in our
Unknown:mind, you know, as humans, we have, we use the concept of time
Unknown:to understand our experience and use it to be able to explain
Unknown:things or meet up with someone like we're meeting here at this
Unknown:time, right? So it's helpful. But truly, we only have this
Unknown:moment, the present moment and our experience with this moment.
Unknown:Yeah, it makes me that's a that's a good background, I want
Unknown:to talk more about that. And it makes me think of how I often
Unknown:think about how we have all these things in our society and
Unknown:culture to measure us in time can definitely be one of them,
Unknown:you know, there can be a scale for our weight, there can be
Unknown:test scores for kids, but also this time, and,
Unknown:and this idea of not doing enough, in a certain amount of
Unknown:time not getting enough done in a day, not accomplishing this
Unknown:much in a week is that sort of like another area that you see,
Unknown:sometimes people coming in with, like, I've got to do doo doo
Unknown:doo, I can already tell that you work on shifts in the way we
Unknown:view things. And for your clients, too, but just this idea
Unknown:of
Unknown:measuring our worth by what we get done. Yeah, yeah, that's,
Unknown:yeah, I mean, it's still something I work on, too. You
Unknown:know, at the end of the day, if I didn't get done, the things
Unknown:that I set out to do, I have to, like, notice what I'm telling
Unknown:myself about that and be really gentle and have compassion. And
Unknown:I think, because we do live in a society that it does value, you
Unknown:know, how much we do and how much we get done. And we were
Unknown:talking about masculine and feminine, feminine, that's, it's
Unknown:very masculine, like culture that we live in. So
Unknown:becoming aware of that, and, and noticing, you know, where you
Unknown:can step more into your feminine and just bringing in that level
Unknown:of compassion, because it really isn't, you know, our worth is
Unknown:inherent, right? Like, we're born absolutely worthy. And so
Unknown:not, not letting any of that take, or let you feel like it's
Unknown:taking away from your worth, because it can't, and it
Unknown:doesn't.
Unknown:So yeah, just
Unknown:another thing too, is when you know, when we feel like we have
Unknown:all of these things to do, it seems super counterintuitive.
Unknown:But when we slow down enough to really
Unknown:be with ourselves, be with our feelings, and, and allow
Unknown:ourselves to experience that. And then from this state of
Unknown:connectedness step into what we want to do. Things flow so much
Unknown:better, you know, or even if you stopped to do something
Unknown:creative, it feels like you're never you know, I should have
Unknown:started this task yesterday. I'm never gonna get it done. But
Unknown:that pause. And that connection
Unknown:really helps you to step into flow, and then things get done
Unknown:that you didn't even think you could get done that day, you
Unknown:know, that sort of thing. Can Happen are connected. Yeah.
Unknown:Yeah. So I'm hearing to that, giving yourself permission to
Unknown:sort of rewrite the ways that we've learned whether they were
Unknown:from family of origin, whether they're from more of a masculine
Unknown:or patriarchal like outer conditioning, that it's this is
Unknown:sometimes how I see it is that it's a rewriting and saying,
Unknown:like, how do I want it to look and how do I want it to feel?
Unknown:And that's sort of what I am hearing you say, which I think
Unknown:is super powerful for anybody going on a life's journey, a
Unknown:parenting journey, whatever it is, is that if you're also aware
Unknown:of the parts that
Unknown:don't feel good, that there are things to change within your
Unknown:outer environment and, you know, ways to work on your inner
Unknown:environment that can create more peace within you.
Unknown:Oh, yeah, for sure.
Unknown:We're creating these new like, grooves, right? Like it feels,
Unknown:you know, a lot of moms struggle with being short tempered with
Unknown:their kids or yelling with their kids. And,
Unknown:and, you know, they know they want to change, like, we none of
Unknown:us want to really, you know, want to be connected with our
Unknown:kids. And so it feels so terrible to yell. And even while
Unknown:you're yelling, you know, like, Oh, this isn't how I want to do
Unknown:it, and I'm still doing it, you know. And so it's this, the work
Unknown:that you do outside of those moments of yelling is what helps
Unknown:you to create those new grooves, right? Like, you know, if you
Unknown:think of like a hilltop, and there's a a dried out riverbed,
Unknown:right? If it rains, like that's where the water is going to
Unknown:easily flow down. And so what we're doing is we're creating
Unknown:our new path or intentional path down the hill. And so it takes
Unknown:it takes time, and it takes lots of, you know, compassion and
Unknown:grace. And, yeah, I want to talk about how to create that to how
Unknown:someone would create that in their life. So starting with,
Unknown:sometimes when we have those moments that are more escalated
Unknown:or heated, are there ways that you kind of guide someone
Unknown:through coming to themselves after those things happen?
Unknown:Because we can have a tendency to be so hard on ourselves? So
Unknown:Are there words or language or ways you come to yourself when
Unknown:you've had a hard moment?
Unknown:Yeah. So you know, Susie, Lulu, one of our, our beautiful
Unknown:teachers like that, just that compassion for yourself and
Unknown:saying to yourself, right, like, wow, that was a hard moment. And
Unknown:it's so understandable that, that you're feeling this way,
Unknown:right? And not trying to push away that feeling. Because I
Unknown:think it's really easy to do, like, you know, we weren't
Unknown:really taught to be with our feelings. And you know, when
Unknown:that shame comes up, we just want to like, bury it, you know,
Unknown:we go find a snack or turn on a screen or whatever it is.
Unknown:But, but saying, like, that's okay, like, I see you. And it's
Unknown:okay, that you felt that way, you know.
Unknown:And then once you're with the emotion, I It's really beautiful
Unknown:to be able to look at your thoughts. So you know, whatever
Unknown:the situation was, what was it that? Because our thoughts and
Unknown:our emotions are very closely linked, you know? And so what
Unknown:was the thought that was telling you that, you know, what was it
Unknown:that you were telling yourself in that moment that really
Unknown:triggered you. And so when you become aware of the thought,
Unknown:then you can go back and say, like, okay, if I'm telling
Unknown:myself that my child is being defiant, when they refuse to sit
Unknown:down at the dinner table, is that helping me to connect with
Unknown:my child, and then if it's not, you know, you can create that
Unknown:shift, because you do get to decide your thoughts, you know,
Unknown:and so much of what we tell ourselves is on repeat every
Unknown:day, and so this work is, is really hard, because it takes a
Unknown:lot of like slowing down and pausing and seeing what's going
Unknown:on underneath the surface. But then you could say, like, okay,
Unknown:you know, my child isn't really against me in this moment, they
Unknown:must just be having a really big feeling. Or maybe they're not
Unknown:feeling connected to me, you know, and that connection piece
Unknown:really helps when we're trying to ask our kids to do something,
Unknown:you know, so.
Unknown:So finding a thought that feels better in your body, and then
Unknown:allowing that to be, you know, practicing that thought going
Unknown:forward is is helpful in changing the way you show up.
Unknown:Yeah, I think that I like your example, to have the dinner
Unknown:table. Because even when we have a thought like that, like my
Unknown:child's being x, so often, it's not even our thought, it's
Unknown:something that was handed down to us. So you're talking about
Unknown:awareness and ways to come to yourself compassionately, which
Unknown:I think is really
Unknown:this idea that
Unknown:I never knew I'll speak for myself, I never knew that there
Unknown:could be something free,
Unknown:accessible in the moment. And useful to have this way of
Unknown:coming to myself. You know, I always used to think that any
Unknown:sort of soothing you named like going to get a snack or I think
Unknown:I would literally like leave the room. And that's how that's also
Unknown:a good technique, right? Like giving yourself those moments
Unknown:like your own timeout. Your own pause, that's absolutely, but I
Unknown:didn't have like compassionate language. And it that's a really
Unknown:abstract thing. I feel like when we first say that and this can
Unknown:go for anyone listening anywhere, right?
Unknown:ate. Like, it could be that you lost it like with a work
Unknown:colleague. But these ways of coming back to ourselves which,
Unknown:which are sort of re mothering and re parenting, maybe ways of
Unknown:softness that we didn't get when we were young. And they can
Unknown:serve, because I used to think like, How could that be helpful,
Unknown:like, seriously, but it's the willingness and just to
Unknown:practice, just just try it, and how I see it, and you can tell
Unknown:me how you see it, but I see it as I always looked for someone
Unknown:else to witness and see me. But it's super powerful to witness
Unknown:my own experience. Because at a soul level, I think, or maybe on
Unknown:the human level, I should say, someone's witnessing me and it's
Unknown:me. But it's incredibly soothing. And it's like a
Unknown:medicine ball. And it makes it to me. I used to think like,
Unknown:what and so do your clients like? Are they sometimes like,
Unknown:what? Because when I bring up compassion with people, I kind
Unknown:of get that response at first, but what's your experience of
Unknown:that? I love it. I love like this thing calm. Um, but yeah,
Unknown:for sure. Like when we have that compassion for ourselves where
Unknown:we, you're like, you're saying, We're re mothering ourselves,
Unknown:we're reconnecting with who we are. And what can be more
Unknown:powerful than that, and how, like, we we search for happiness
Unknown:outside of ourselves. And, and those little things that we do
Unknown:that like, give us that little, you know, hit of dopamine, or
Unknown:whatever it is, you know, they they are very short lived. And
Unknown:so we're always consistently like looking outside of
Unknown:ourselves for the next thing, the next thing, you know.
Unknown:And so it's that it's that turning inward? And because the
Unknown:answer is like, it's, it seems. So yeah. So
Unknown:crazy. Maybe even you know that what we've been looking for has
Unknown:been right within us all along. And it's just that reconnecting
Unknown:that we have to do that can be
Unknown:Yeah, it can. It's not always easy to do. And, you know, when
Unknown:we've been told that we need to be doing more looking outside of
Unknown:us and all these things. So it's this redirection. Yeah. And from
Unknown:the work that you do, I know this to be true, but what do you
Unknown:see in that? When a woman begins to do that? Self connection,
Unknown:soul connection work? What happens on the outside? What
Unknown:happens with the relationships with her children? Let's say.
Unknown:So that's, I love that you asked that. Because it's, it's our
Unknown:inner world really does reflect, you know, our outer world and
Unknown:our, the way we move through life, and, yeah, so I mean, as
Unknown:soon as they start, because, you know, self care. So carrots,
Unknown:we're often pouring from this empty cup, right? We're trying
Unknown:to pour from this empty cup. And that's that survival mode. And
Unknown:so once you start to put a drop of love or care connection into
Unknown:your cup, and you start filling it up, you
Unknown:Yeah, you you definitely show up the more, you know, differently,
Unknown:because you get out of that survival mode, which is this
Unknown:panic, this fight flight, you know,
Unknown:that we put ourselves in by not by not acknowledging our needs
Unknown:by not prioritizing ourselves. And so when you start to do
Unknown:that, you, your nervous system calms down, you know, like you
Unknown:just overall, like your body has needs, you have, you know, needs
Unknown:on so many levels. And when you take care of them, then you're
Unknown:able to show up with more. Yeah, we're just in this more
Unknown:connected, calm presence, you know? Yeah. And if we can have
Unknown:that compassion for ourselves, then it's more likely that
Unknown:that's what we'll turn to when our child is in distress. And we
Unknown:can't give something we don't ourselves have. Right? So if you
Unknown:don't have compassion for yourself, like it's hard to get
Unknown:that. Definitely. How
Unknown:how do you advise when someone comes to you and life is so
Unknown:busy? How to start to build in moments? Or is it can it be in
Unknown:the smallest pockets of the day? Yeah, yes. And that was so eye
Unknown:opening to me just
Unknown:like one of the things you know, practices that we have is
Unknown:placing your hand over your heart and breathe and that's
Unknown:just
Unknown:it's just so it just acknowledges you you know, as a
Unknown:human in your own life and your own experience, like what do I
Unknown:need right now?
Unknown:So earlier today, I needed a little moment. My my kids were
Unknown:eating lunch and then they were gonna do we do quiet time after
Unknown:lunch? We homeschool so
Unknown:I remember one of the things that that I was like really
Unknown:nervous about going into homeschooling was like, Well, I
Unknown:get a break in the day that's a lot you know, like to be with
Unknown:your kids all day and have everything else that you need to
Unknown:do. And so we ended up doing was we kept naptime you know, as
Unknown:kids have a bunch of nap time.
Unknown:AMS has babies, and then it drops up to one. So that time is
Unknown:still our time of the day. And we just call it quiet time. But
Unknown:I usually go and play with each kiddo separately.
Unknown:We call that special time, like just this connection time where
Unknown:they get to kind of lead and like, tell me about what's going
Unknown:on or snuggle or whatever it is they want to do. But I needed a
Unknown:moment before I did that, like, I could feel myself like, just
Unknown:getting a little anxious. And so I literally just stepped
Unknown:outside, it's sunny day to day,
Unknown:I have my dog out there with me, like, we just I just soaked in
Unknown:the sun. And just that moment of being in nature, and taking a
Unknown:few deep breaths helped me so so much. But yeah, if you if you're
Unknown:feeling really overwhelmed, and life is so busy, I like to think
Unknown:of it like, you know, you know, people say like, Oh, my plate is
Unknown:full. So, like, I like to think of it as life as this buffet,
Unknown:right? We were so blessed with all of these amazing choices
Unknown:that we have in life. And so you, you have this plate, and
Unknown:you get to decide what you put on it, you know, and you can
Unknown:start to pay attention to what you are putting on that plate.
Unknown:Like if if you're spending you know, 45 minutes on social
Unknown:media, and afterwards, you're feeling drained? Is that
Unknown:something you want to be putting on your plate? Because we really
Unknown:do have the time? You know, we fill it up? Like, there's this
Unknown:analogy, have you heard of the glass jar analogy. So like just
Unknown:becoming aware of what your values are. And so it's this so
Unknown:you imagine this glass jar, and it's it's your life, right?
Unknown:This, you get to fill it. And you have three different things
Unknown:to fill it with, there's rocks, like river rocks, there's little
Unknown:tiny pebbles, and then there's sand. And the rocks are your
Unknown:values, they are the things that mean the most to you. Like if
Unknown:everything else went away, this is what's most important, right?
Unknown:And then there's the the pebbles, which are the things
Unknown:that we need to do like we need, we need to function in this
Unknown:life, right? So what are my responsibilities, the things
Unknown:that I need to get them to make life go smoothly, and then
Unknown:there's the stand, it's just the filler, it's everything else.
Unknown:And so often we are just we're unintentionally living, so we
Unknown:start filling our life up with the sand, and there's no room
Unknown:for the rocks. Right? So we're going to start with the rocks.
Unknown:We want to start with what, what lights you up in this life? What
Unknown:is it that you know, is the most important to you and start by
Unknown:filling your life with that? Yeah, I think that's I love the
Unknown:analogy. And so, so, so important. I know that you
Unknown:probably have a lot of moms coming to you with younger kids.
Unknown:And I think
Unknown:that beginning to have those conversations right there
Unknown:earlier on in our life, because we're not really taught that we
Unknown:get to have a choice in that. And lots of times, we're just
Unknown:going on, like the unintentional default. And so I see women like
Unknown:15 years down the line or so. And they're still on the pattern
Unknown:of not, they haven't yet figured out, like how to kind of sift
Unknown:through all the sand that they've added that is there.
Unknown:It's not as necessary. And I can say that for myself, for sure.
Unknown:So I love that you're tackling it when you are having the
Unknown:discussions, because it's so important, and just defining
Unknown:those values. And those can shift over time. I would imagine
Unknown:too, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's an ongoing journey, you know? Yeah.
Unknown:What do you think about when you talk about those moments of like
Unknown:for yourself today, stepping out into the sunshine and needing
Unknown:you needed some sort of replenishment, let's say at the
Unknown:moment you needed like a moment for Catherine, there is just
Unknown:something to that, right, where
Unknown:you're recognizing your own need. And so it's not just going
Unknown:and just basking in the sun, it could be. But then, like, I
Unknown:know, it's kind of what we talked about, whatever, 10
Unknown:minutes ago, but just that idea of no take time. Take time, that
Unknown:connection to yourself, it can be the hand on the heart, it can
Unknown:be just saying, like, I see you checking in with you, how are
Unknown:you doing? It's all the things that we will do for another but
Unknown:let's start doing them for ourselves. Let's make let's make
Unknown:the experience for how we see ourselves really rich and
Unknown:dynamic and fun and playful and recognizing of the emotions and
Unknown:just just all the things. Yes, yeah. So I mean, I think that
Unknown:you said that so beautifully, like self care is this. It's
Unknown:becoming your own best friend. You know, it's listening and
Unknown:like so, you know, sometimes we emotionally eat. And if you
Unknown:think about it, like we're, we're trying like that's it's
Unknown:like a numbing of our feelings or it's a distraction from what
Unknown:is going on the surface, right? And so it's kind of like if you
Unknown:were at lunch with a friend and you just started to put food in
Unknown:her mouth like she's trying to, she's having a hard day, you
Unknown:know, so we're doing that to ourselves. And so you
Unknown:Bringing in that, that, that love that that compassion piece
Unknown:for ourselves is so powerful. And like you're saying these
Unknown:moments, they every little moment matters. And that's what
Unknown:our day is built up. But you know, it's moments, it doesn't
Unknown:have to be, you know, an hour and a half at the spa or
Unknown:whatever. Although that is so beautiful, too, right? If you
Unknown:can get a but yeah, it's moments that fill up, you know, your
Unknown:day. And
Unknown:like, if you've ever had a leaking faucet, and you put a
Unknown:cup under it, and walked away and come back, those little
Unknown:drips that are going into that, that top, they filled up that
Unknown:cup, you know, so it's the same for us, it seems like it doesn't
Unknown:matter, it seems like you know, it's
Unknown:just a waste of time. But really, it's it all adds up to
Unknown:filling up that cup so that you do have more to give. Yeah, I
Unknown:have two things that are coming to mind, I know that I want to
Unknown:ask you today about for sure are the boundaries, kind of idea,
Unknown:just like a beginning discussion of that. And then
Unknown:this idea of scheduling over scheduling of kids today. And
Unknown:maybe even if we can touch on technology. But
Unknown:how do you think about boundaries, boundaries is
Unknown:sometimes kind of like,
Unknown:it can feel like a strong word to me. But what's coming to mind
Unknown:is like,
Unknown:how do we
Unknown:know how do we create the time for ourselves for this soul
Unknown:care, but also communicate our needs in the midst of our kids
Unknown:needs?
Unknown:Yeah.
Unknown:Yeah, so boundaries has been?
Unknown:Yeah, definitely something that has
Unknown:been a journey really opened my eyes, I used to feel like
Unknown:boundaries was, in my mind that I had this picture of this,
Unknown:like, hard wall that you were making, you know. And really,
Unknown:it's, it's this, everybody, you know, our kids ourselves, we all
Unknown:have our own agency, we all have our own choices that we make in
Unknown:life. And it's this, we all have different perspectives and life
Unknown:experiences. And so really, it's just this way of, of like, like,
Unknown:we're talking about values, like, it's just this way of
Unknown:allowing yourself to live from an aligned place from your
Unknown:values, and live alongside these other people who, who have
Unknown:different values and who have different ideas of life. And,
Unknown:and that's okay. And this is just how we do it in a way that,
Unknown:that allows us to stay really aligned, you know, and, yeah,
Unknown:for sure. And I think that it, it does, parenting does test us
Unknown:depending on what we saw.
Unknown:But that the there's this possibility to, of reforming
Unknown:where we came from, and possibly creating new patterns of
Unknown:connection and communication with our kids.
Unknown:I'm thinking about
Unknown:the culture that we live in today. That tells us also, that
Unknown:more is more, more is better for our kids, and how it's so easy
Unknown:to get caught up in the doing of all the activities. And I don't
Unknown:know, how do you kind of talk about that? And is it
Unknown:individual, to who comes to you and what they're seeking, but
Unknown:also giving permission? That it's not all always necessary?
Unknown:Yeah, yeah. And, you know, my kids like, that even that's, for
Unknown:me that analogy the plate again, because I, like we homeschool.
Unknown:And it's so fun. And we are so so blessed to have so many
Unknown:different homeschooling groups, we have field trip
Unknown:opportunities, we have, like all sorts of really fun things. And
Unknown:I get that FOMO you know, and I did that, like people pleasing
Unknown:comes in, and I want to, you know, stay connected with this
Unknown:group and these moms and that thing, and
Unknown:and I also know that that's,
Unknown:I don't I don't show up in as my best self when I'm burned out
Unknown:when I've said to you No. And when I've said yes to too many
Unknown:things. And the same for my kids, like when we don't have
Unknown:time to slow down and to sit with each other and just snuggle
Unknown:and let them unpack their emotional backpacks, you know?
Unknown:It, it's where you know that disconnection starts to happen.
Unknown:And you might see the behaviors like whining, or at least that's
Unknown:what I see with my kids. Like, if they're asking a lot of
Unknown:questions, or if that whiny voice like that higher pitched
Unknown:voice comes in. I know that it's not because they're trying to
Unknown:make life hard for me. It's because we haven't connected
Unknown:they're feeling disconnected. If I'm yeah, if we're saying yes to
Unknown:too many things, I don't have as much time to reconnect with my
Unknown:for my personality anyway, I
Unknown:I crave that quiet time, that alone time to myself as a way to
Unknown:recharge and everybody's different in that way, you know?
Unknown:But yeah, so for them to like if there's not enough space in our
Unknown:day for us to slow down and sit together.
Unknown:Yeah, then it makes everything else a lot harder, you know? So
Unknown:I try to keep that in mind for both myself and for them. Yeah,
Unknown:yeah, it's almost like they're giving you those clues that
Unknown:they're becoming dysregulated because of what they need. And
Unknown:sometimes they can't say what they need.
Unknown:What you were saying before, to reminds me about how, just for
Unknown:ourselves, in our experience, this idea of
Unknown:being in our own consciousness, and our own inner experience,
Unknown:like a place where all emotions are welcome. And so if we're
Unknown:angry, if we're sad, if we're frustrated, resentful, happy,
Unknown:joyful, you know, all the things that they can, that there's room
Unknown:for them to all have a space at the table. And I think it's such
Unknown:an important thing, because we're supposed to, we're
Unknown:everyone has all those things within them. And then again, if
Unknown:we have that allowance in that care and compassion for those
Unknown:things within us, it's going to allow us if we don't have if we
Unknown:don't have the bandwidth to allow that within ourselves, we
Unknown:certainly won't allow it in somebody else. So yeah, that
Unknown:that strikes me and then just this idea, like, I never used to
Unknown:know, either that sitting and being quiet was actually what I
Unknown:needed. And I think it was so foreign to me, I always think
Unknown:about, I didn't say it on today's podcast, but my kids are
Unknown:20, or 2220, and 18. So older, but when I was a younger mom, I
Unknown:was always running like going to target going to the grocery
Unknown:store, running, running, running, it felt like errands
Unknown:all the time. And for a long time, I wanted to reform those
Unknown:patterns. And there's a certain amount of that that's just part
Unknown:of your life when you have younger kids, but also, it's so
Unknown:critical for our sanity and our our calm and peace to it really
Unknown:behooves us to create the quiet and, and the not and, and
Unknown:looking at those, like, you know, do I need to go to Costco
Unknown:or wherever it is today? Because a lot of times the answer is no.
Unknown:Or how can I consolidate that into one trip when I have my
Unknown:babysitter or my weekend time. So it's not as crazy as this
Unknown:hamster wheel that I definitely was on for a long time.
Unknown:In the asking for help piece to it, we feel like we have to do
Unknown:it all ourselves. And, you know, maybe your husband works near
Unknown:the Costco, you know, and he can pick up the groceries on the
Unknown:email. So you can outsource that. Yeah, like letting
Unknown:yourself lean on others. And a lot of times people want to help
Unknown:us and, you know, we just have to be really clear about what it
Unknown:is that would help us.
Unknown:And I love that you said about feelings. Like, for the longest
Unknown:time, like what I didn't grow up knowing you know, that it was
Unknown:okay to feel my feelings or had a really safe space to do that.
Unknown:So, um, you know, I didn't allow myself to feel a lot of them,
Unknown:and they would get bigger and louder. And yeah. And I, you
Unknown:know, as an adult, I've realized, like, it's okay to
Unknown:have whatever type of feelings you have, right? Whether they're
Unknown:uncomfortable or like, super, like, you know, pleasant.
Unknown:Because, well, one thing is the contrast, the contrast between
Unknown:the uncomfortable and the pleasant really helps us to know
Unknown:what we, you know, you don't know what happiness is, unless
Unknown:you felt something that's a little more uncomfortable. So
Unknown:leaning into that, that's part of our human experience. And
Unknown:then knowing that, you know, when you have that
Unknown:uncomfortable feeling, it's letting you know something is
Unknown:off for you and helping you to be like, Okay, well what's going
Unknown:on for me here, right? And bringing yourself back into that
Unknown:place of connection with yourself in alignment with your,
Unknown:you know, the life that you want to live. And then if something
Unknown:you know, is feeling like, exciting to you like following
Unknown:that intuitive nudge and seeing where that leads you, you know.
Unknown:So, so beautiful. I love that you brought that up? Yeah, like
Unknown:a lot of the conversation today. Because
Unknown:I always feel like the more of these messages we can hear. It
Unknown:is changing. It's like as what do they call like a sea tide or
Unknown:a tidal shift where we're literally changing patterns that
Unknown:have been in place for a long, long time of women putting
Unknown:themselves to the side for everybody else, and feeling
Unknown:depleted and worn out. And the work that you're doing is just
Unknown:creating new generations which will benefit our kids. They're
Unknown:going to end our grandchildren and everyone and just
Unknown:exponentially outside of us.
Unknown:I'm going to touch upon just that question because I want to
Unknown:hear your thoughts on it. But around technology and just it
Unknown:As part of our lives, and even it's seemingly more of our kids
Unknown:lives, and how do you from, like a soul care perspective? Like
Unknown:how do you view it? And? And live with it? And? Yeah, yeah, I
Unknown:don't have, you don't really anything against it because it
Unknown:is like, that's something too like resisting, you know, the
Unknown:the present and resisting, you know, change and things like
Unknown:that make make things a harder struggle for ourselves, right?
Unknown:So finding a way to embrace what life is giving you and what the
Unknown:present moment has to offer in a way that feels good to you and
Unknown:remembering that you can set that boundary and say no.
Unknown:And just noticing too, like, Well, how do you feel after you
Unknown:after you spent a lot of time with technology? Like, you know,
Unknown:and where can you?
Unknown:Where can you give yourself breaks there because it can be a
Unknown:lot, right? It is this thing that really connects us like, I
Unknown:can connect with people all over the world, like family, friends,
Unknown:everything. So it brings us together in that way. And then
Unknown:it also can be disconnecting, because we could be sitting at
Unknown:dinner and looking at our phone or something, right? So and the
Unknown:people that are with us or not being connected with so I'm just
Unknown:bringing awareness to that. And like you were saying, like, if,
Unknown:if you you know, and I do this to like, I mean, I will go check
Unknown:my phone, make sure there's no messages or you know, like,
Unknown:running my business, all the things like, but being aware of,
Unknown:if you're not able to let that set that down and a with
Unknown:yourself, like you were saying, creating that moment of
Unknown:stillness for yourself. If you if you're having a hard time
Unknown:with that, like you notice you're always grabbing something
Unknown:or distracting yourself in some way. Asking yourself like, what
Unknown:what is it that's uncomfortable for me, like, you know, because
Unknown:it's really important for us to be able to be so with ourselves,
Unknown:even if you have the more extroverted outgoing
Unknown:personality.
Unknown:You know, they say, you know, prayer is asking the universe
Unknown:for something. And meditation is creating the space, the silence
Unknown:for the answers to come through. And, and so if we don't allow
Unknown:ourselves, you know, that space to be with ourselves and let the
Unknown:answers and let our intuition and let the wisdom come through.
Unknown:Yeah, we're missing a really big piece. They're living. Yeah,
Unknown:that's such a good point. And
Unknown:I'm just thinking, it's like this, we always think about our
Unknown:kids and technology, but really thinking about ourselves and
Unknown:technology. So important to I was sending a text the other
Unknown:day, as I was walking through the park near my house, and
Unknown:looking down the whole time. And those are the moments I'm
Unknown:noticing that, you know, you gotta we have to be so
Unknown:intentional about the way we're using it and putting it away.
Unknown:And it just, it never used to be part of our lives. And so
Unknown:there's so much to say there now.
Unknown:And I know, yeah, go ahead. It's something we have a really
Unknown:unique situation, right, as parents in this generation, they
Unknown:were really the first ones to have cell phones and things and
Unknown:so be really gentle with yourself as you figure that out,
Unknown:you know, with your Yeah, your kids. Yeah, and that's such a
Unknown:good point. Because I think it's where this work is so valuable
Unknown:to because this work is bringing in all of these, like really
Unknown:abundant
Unknown:ways of being like, setting intentions, living with
Unknown:compassion, allowance of emotions, and, and for me, it
Unknown:always goes back to like the learning how to communicate on a
Unknown:very connected level, because that's not what I grew up with.
Unknown:But I love that all these things are part of your work.
Unknown:You know, Katherine, as we finish up today, is there
Unknown:anything that you want to add for the listener today before
Unknown:you tell them where they can find your work?
Unknown:I want to say like, I just absolutely love every time I get
Unknown:to chat with you, and your work is so beautiful and soul
Unknown:nourishing. And yeah, so thank you for all that you do. Yeah,
Unknown:of course. And yeah, for anybody listening.
Unknown:And if any of this is resonating with you, I think. Give yourself
Unknown:lots of grace. Give yourself lots of kindness, you know,
Unknown:notice those little moments where you can
Unknown:just pause and connect with yourself. And notice what you're
Unknown:telling yourself because you are so so incredible. You're so so
Unknown:amazing. You're so worthy.
Unknown:And if your thoughts aren't lining up with that, like allow
Unknown:yourself to just press you know, repeat on this episode and just
Unknown:listen again and again and know that you were you're doing
Unknown:enough you know, you are enough.
Unknown:You're so loved and just lean into if you can't give that to
Unknown:yourself yet lean into to this and yeah, start there. So much
Unknown:appreciation and acknowledgement of where mothers find themselves
Unknown:and then
Unknown:Add. There's just so much there for them, including their own
Unknown:inner voice, which can be just so loving and supportive. So,
Unknown:yeah, thank you so much for doing the work you do. I know
Unknown:that listeners can find you it's soul care. mom.com. That's
Unknown:correct. Yeah. And then Katherine, I saw that you have a
Unknown:book, reclaiming your inner sparkle with companion journal
Unknown:as well. Yes, they do. Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing. So all
Unknown:those things can be found on your website and you have a
Unknown:community that you run if anyone is interested in that as well.
Unknown:If Do you want to say something about that before we leave
Unknown:today? It's It's such a beautiful space like the women
Unknown:in there are so supportive, so uplifting, so authentic, and
Unknown:just it's yeah, if you if you're feeling alone in the motherhood
Unknown:journey, definitely join us in there. It's soul care. mom.com
Unknown:forward slash village to get your beautiful. Yeah, thank you
Unknown:so much for all the work you're doing and being here with us
Unknown:today. For the listeners, as always, thanks for tuning in.
Unknown:And we'll see you in the next episode.
Unknown:Thanks for listening to this episode of mystical sisterhood.
Unknown:If you love what you heard, please visit Apple podcasts, and
Unknown:subscribe and leave a review and share with a friend if you're
Unknown:called to do so. To learn more about my one on one coaching
Unknown:programs, or join the mystical sisterhood membership, visit
Unknown:Maureen spielman.com or mystical sisterhood.com Thanks so much.
Unknown:I'll see you in the next episode.