36: How To Be In The Not Knowing
Your host, Maureen Spielman, joins you today to discuss how to be in the not knowing. It’s an uncomfortable place we find ourselves and so many of us find ourselves there in some way, shape or form. The not knowings take the form of medical challenges, relationship changes, kid issues, and mid life purpose questions. The truth is that we never really know what’s to come but learning how to be with the emotions that come up for us is the key to discovering what you truly need in the moments.
EPISODE TAKEAWAYS (what you’ll learn):
- The process of sitting still to access your answers
- What circumstances bring up the feeling of not knowing
- Learning how to be in the knowing; re-learning how to be
- Realizing that outer challenges are not here to be judged
- Our tendency to want to fix or make something go away
- Emotional practices to get to what’s underneath your feelings
References mentioned:
Michael Brown, The Presence Process
Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God, an uncommon dialogue
About the Host:
Maureen Spielman is the Founder of Mystical Sisterhood, a podcast dedicated to bringing more joy, healing and expansion to the world. She is a seasoned life coach who supports individuals through one-on-one coaching, groups and workshops.
Connect with Maureen:
● Check out her Instagram: @maureeenspielman
● Learn more about her work at www.maureenspielman.com
● Want to join our Mystical Sisterhood Membership community? Find out more here: https://www.maureenspielman.com/mysticalsisterhood
● Email Maureen at hello@maureenspielman.com to inquire about coaching, podcasting & speaking engagements
● Want to view Mystical Sisterhood episodes? Visit the Mystical Sisterhood YouTube Channel here: Magical Sisterhood Youtube
Thanks for listening!
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Transcript
Hey there, welcome to mystical sisterhood. This is
Unknown:your host, Maureen Spielman. I started the show to highlight
Unknown:the intuitives, healers and other courageous women that I've
Unknown:met along my journey and continue to meet. Through
Unknown:amazing interviews, I seek to ask insightful questions to
Unknown:uncover ways in which you the listener can apply the wisdom
Unknown:and knowledge to your own life. I believe that we're all in this
Unknown:together. So sharing healing and joy, and bringing community
Unknown:together is both my passion and purpose. If you'd like to learn
Unknown:more about the mystical sisterhood community I'm
Unknown:building please visit www mystical sisterhood.com See you
Unknown:in the episode.
Unknown:Hello, and welcome back to mystical sisterhood. This is
Unknown:your host, Maureen Spielman. And today I am here on another solo
Unknown:episode called How to be in the not knowing, I always say these
Unknown:are as much for me as they are for you. So I think the things
Unknown:that we're attracted to, in our lives are part of what we need
Unknown:to learn.
Unknown:Today, I decided to switch away from what I was going to
Unknown:originally talk about, and follow where I was being guided,
Unknown:I've been going through a lot on a few different levels with a
Unknown:close friend. And there's a lot surfacing in my heart, my
Unknown:emotions, my mind and on the soul level, a lot of questions I
Unknown:have, and ways of being that I continue to try to be with and
Unknown:grow with. So I knew last week that I didn't have a guest lined
Unknown:up. And so I thought, okay, there's gonna be a solo episode.
Unknown:And based on what I had going on in my life, I was thinking of
Unknown:the topic choosing between, or the choice that we have between
Unknown:love and fear. But it didn't feel quite right. And I got to
Unknown:Monday morning, and I thought, What am I going to talk about?
Unknown:And so I did a practice, which I often do, which call it
Unknown:meditation, call it getting still. But I sat, turned my
Unknown:timer on for 15 minutes and ask the question, What am I meant to
Unknown:know here? And what am I meant to share or talk about today,
Unknown:and what really came up strongly was, How comfortable are we,
Unknown:when we don't know. And when we are in what I'm calling the not
Unknown:knowing. So I was really thankful that that came to me
Unknown:and spent the morning, you know, putting it together and try to
Unknown:figure out what I was going to say. So I think this is about
Unknown:learning to be in the not knowing. Because we are so
Unknown:conditioned to do that. It's really truly a relearning how to
Unknown:be, which I believe, is a real learning because we came in
Unknown:knowing how to be and then we were conditioned away from it.
Unknown:But I really thought that this could be
Unknown:a good topic, because a lot of us find ourselves in the not
Unknown:knowing all the time, we might be faced with a
Unknown:some outer experience or challenge either we're having or
Unknown:a person close to us is having an that could be like a really
Unknown:close friend or partner, or a child. And I just want to be
Unknown:with you and say it can feel really, really hard. And to be
Unknown:seen in how that can feel. And on the human level on the
Unknown:emotional level. It's real, it's real and to be seen, and that is
Unknown:super important.
Unknown:And I think it's we don't have a roadmap, right? And every
Unknown:situation is different. So when we come to something in our
Unknown:lives that feels challenging for us, partly it's because we don't
Unknown:know what's next. We don't know what's going to come. And I and
Unknown:I was thinking about it, and thinking, well, what are we
Unknown:uncomfortable with? Are we uncomfortable with the not
Unknown:knowing? Or and it can be both? I'm just asking the question,
Unknown:are we uncomfortable with the emotions that are coming to us
Unknown:around it? And I think I know for myself, like for so much of
Unknown:my life, I kind of push down the emotions, that it's really the
Unknown:sort of like there's a renaissance of being with the
Unknown:emotions, learning to be with the emotions, learning to feel,
Unknown:how they feel in my body.
Unknown:And all of these things. So just to name you know, a few
Unknown:outerworld things I've seen people going through and you
Unknown:know, maybe not having
Unknown:And answer to. And that being part of that not knowing that
Unknown:can feel frustrating is our people that may be either going
Unknown:through a medical crisis, something that is really big,
Unknown:and not not knowing necessarily what's to come how to navigate
Unknown:it.
Unknown:It can really, if we're just looking at it in one way, take
Unknown:us under a tidal wave. And I've seen that happen too, with those
Unknown:going through ongoing, sort of, like, what seemed like more
Unknown:chronic conditions medically. And that can be really trying
Unknown:and challenging to because you may be in the case where you're
Unknown:doing what you can to heal it or integrate what your your past
Unknown:into your present, yet it still presents. And so that's, that's
Unknown:a way that the not knowing what's to come can be really
Unknown:frustrating. I think an example of one I've seen a lot too, in
Unknown:recent years, especially since COVID. And I have to believe
Unknown:it's because also what our kids are going through all the
Unknown:pressures that they have, and the race for their attention
Unknown:with their phones, and any sort of tech is, I'm gonna call it a
Unknown:mental health crisis or an emotional health crisis,
Unknown:however, you
Unknown:name it. I just feel like, it's really, really, really difficult
Unknown:to see our children go through challenges, and also for us as
Unknown:parents to experience the feelings and emotions that come
Unknown:along with that. Because the truth is, we never know, we
Unknown:never know what's next. And so we can only do, what we know how
Unknown:to do and learn or relearn what we've forgotten to do in the
Unknown:circumstances. And we'll kind of talk about that as we weave in,
Unknown:you know, the conversation today. But I think that when we
Unknown:have or I know from my experience, when there's
Unknown:something with a child, a lot of fear and anxiety can come up
Unknown:around it. So I'm sort of naming different sort of, I'm going to
Unknown:just call them feeling states or emotional states that can come
Unknown:up around whether it's frustration, anger, sadness,
Unknown:fear, anxiety, all sorts of things, anger that comes up. So
Unknown:that come up in the not knowing for us. There's also a midlife
Unknown:crisis, where we are coming to midlife and thinking like,
Unknown:what's my purpose and what's next for me, and then not
Unknown:knowing and feeling like time as time is going by and you can't
Unknown:possibly like, quote unquote, figure it out soon enough. And
Unknown:that can be very frustrating. I feel like I went through a lot
Unknown:of that in my 40s, for sure.
Unknown:And then I can't believe I didn't put this one first. But a
Unknown:relationships, relationship not knowing, perhaps being on a
Unknown:short term or a long term relationship and not knowing it
Unknown:can be really uncomfortable place. Because we're so
Unknown:conditioned to find the answer be hard on ourselves for the not
Unknown:knowing.
Unknown:Look to fix or change a situation, instead of knowing it
Unknown:might be here for us in our learning. And but I want to
Unknown:Nate, I wanted to first name because for most of us, it is
Unknown:our experience, that these things can feel tiring and
Unknown:exhausting. And it's so understandable that that, that
Unknown:they do feel that way. Because they can feel bigger than life
Unknown:when we forget that we're part of it. And we're creators within
Unknown:it.
Unknown:So for you, you know, just posing that question to you what
Unknown:comes up for you when you don't know what's next? What emotions
Unknown:or feeling states come to you that you either sit with or
Unknown:don't and there's no right or wrong in that. But how is it
Unknown:that that shows up for you when you don't know.
Unknown:I feel like for me
Unknown:I I'm I am kind of between both worlds. Because if you've been
Unknown:listening for a while, you know that I'm a believer that we're
Unknown:having this human experience. Right and and and we were souls
Unknown:that we have souls within us and we're having a human experience.
Unknown:So there's the both and there's the we're held by the benevolent
Unknown:universe, and how is this for me, but there's also the truth
Unknown:in navigating
Unknown:our path and path with our loved ones within ourselves. So sort
Unknown:of doing this dance between both sides, and we're learning how to
Unknown:be with both of them.
Unknown:So that's what happens to me. And when there's something big
Unknown:in my outer world these days I find myself like straddling
Unknown:between the two of the soul and then the human experience. And I
Unknown:think that an intention I have for myself
Unknown:Because I think that the,
Unknown:the soul side has such softness to it is that I, I intend to
Unknown:come to that side first for myself, and then I can be with
Unknown:the human parts too.
Unknown:My soul seems to know, there's something bigger at play in a
Unknown:lot of situations. And, and I think when I'm in that space, I
Unknown:would love to hear your thoughts on this I can trust.
Unknown:But my mind and my ego I'll call it desperately wants to fix the
Unknown:situation to make it better, like I said before to make it go
Unknown:away. And it's so understandable it would because it seems like
Unknown:it would be so much easier. And on many levels it is It wouldn't
Unknown:be right if we didn't have to
Unknown:have the challenges that we do. So I said about the friendly
Unknown:universe, I was just rereading parts of conversations with God
Unknown:by Neale Donald Walsch. And in it, he says the way to reduce
Unknown:the pain you associate with earth experiences and events,
Unknown:both yours and others, is to change the way you behold them.
Unknown:So when they come into our world,
Unknown:being able to sit with them, as to not judge them the
Unknown:experiences. But to know that they're here to, for us to
Unknown:remember our true. Remember our light that which we lost long
Unknown:ago, because this lifetime is about discernment, right? Like
Unknown:the what we want more of and in what we want to experience less
Unknown:of, but it's all that path back to home back to our knowing back
Unknown:to our truth back to our light. And you are in the process of
Unknown:rediscovering I believe if you're listening to this, and
Unknown:you're listening to either me or any of my guests, you are on
Unknown:that process of remembering and changing your inner experience
Unknown:of the outer experience.
Unknown:I know I get a little I think misaligned or what feels like
Unknown:off center when I'm so much in in the other side of it like the
Unknown:the ego, the human mind the fix it.
Unknown:I think I'm looking at it as wanting, wanting to have this as
Unknown:understandable, a less painful or pain free experience. But I
Unknown:think we're all reminded that life isn't pain free. And if
Unknown:we're here to remember who we are, then we're going to
Unknown:experience a wide range of experiences. And my need to fix
Unknown:it is a product of thinking it's wrong to begin with.
Unknown:So yeah, another turning point for me. And I think that in the
Unknown:book, The Neale Donald Walsch book, it helped me remember
Unknown:is when there's something an outer event happening if it's an
Unknown:illness, or a child, or a relationship. And this was one
Unknown:that I didn't start learning until about three years ago, was
Unknown:that I'm not a victim to those circumstances. But I'm a creator
Unknown:of what I'm seeking to experience and redefine as my
Unknown:experience, as opposed to whatever my experience was in my
Unknown:childhood.
Unknown:Because I think traditionally the not knowing, for me could
Unknown:feel like a helpless place. And circumstances can feel so much
Unknown:bigger than us. But it's getting quiet. It's getting in the
Unknown:being, it's getting in the stillness and going inward. That
Unknown:helps me feel more of the knowing the finding my answers,
Unknown:just like I did when I started out today, like, what's my
Unknown:answer? What's here for me to share today? And the answer that
Unknown:came was shocked about the not knowing and how uncomfortable it
Unknown:can be and how to be with our emotions and sit with them.
Unknown:So learning to be with what comes versus thinking that I
Unknown:need to do as well. I love how Michael Brown of the presence
Unknown:process says this is this is a good one. The only way out is
Unknown:through and the only way through is in because they always heard
Unknown:the only way out is through, but I never really was hearing them
Unknown:the only way through is in inward. So is there an emotion
Unknown:or information that can come up for us in the not knowing
Unknown:because the not knowing is how something appears, the
Unknown:frustration and the emotions that come and the question of
Unknown:where can you turn when you don't know. And although we've
Unknown:been conditioned to think that the not knowing is on
Unknown:comfortable. And I said this in the beginning, but I'll say it
Unknown:again, perhaps it's because sitting with the emotion that
Unknown:come up that comes up. So the emotions that come up with not
Unknown:knowing is the part that's uncomfortable.
Unknown:So I believe that. And the more I work with myself and I work
Unknown:with individuals, is that we have that richness within us.
Unknown:And it's the peeling back of the layers and shedding of the
Unknown:conditioning that allows us to get to the heart of the matter.
Unknown:So let's go for a few ways that I do this in a few more points.
Unknown:To reference, if it's a process that you're curious about. And I
Unknown:may have said this in my other solo episodes, but it's the
Unknown:process of going inward. So I think it's what I'm seeing more
Unknown:and more is how important it is to make intentional room for
Unknown:yourself. We all lead busy lives, and it's really hard to
Unknown:find the time to go within. But I encourage you to find that
Unknown:space and time, every day, whether it's the first thing you
Unknown:wake up in the morning at 536 3730. Or, you know, if you
Unknown:get to take a break in the afternoon, or if not in the
Unknown:evening. But making that intentional room for yourself
Unknown:knowing that your soul connection and going within for
Unknown:your answers is nothing is more important. Your soul is always
Unknown:guiding you. I know one way that I avoid making the room for
Unknown:myself is to really fall back on that old busyness. And I know
Unknown:you guys so many can relate is, is
Unknown:distracting I work out of my home. So Geez, it's always a
Unknown:dishwasher to be emptied, or some food to be eaten or
Unknown:just something that keeps me from sitting and being still.
Unknown:And this morning, I did it with my 15 minutes. And I don't even
Unknown:think I made it through the 15 minutes. But I got a lot of gold
Unknown:when I was there. But I think that when we go to the question
Unknown:of
Unknown:how does the discomfort and the not knowing show up for us, when
Unknown:we don't know
Unknown:is knowing that there's a message to listen to in any and
Unknown:all emotions, feelings, experiences that come to you.
Unknown:That's, that's the inner richness. That's your emotional
Unknown:intellect.
Unknown:I actually saw I was up in Madison, Wisconsin yesterday.
Unknown:And I think I saw a therapeutic place like a counseling center,
Unknown:and it was called, was actually called the gift of emotions. And
Unknown:I usually don't see that on a therapeutic
Unknown:center. And I thought it was really beautiful because it was
Unknown:just so therefore you like let's talk about it, let's let's
Unknown:unwrap the gift of the emotions. They're here to guide us and
Unknown:bring us back.
Unknown:And to go within an ask. So if you feel the emotions, the first
Unknown:part is to feel them, where do they surface in your body. And
Unknown:just be with them and breathe with them. And you know, often
Unknown:not sure about you, but for emotions for me, especially if
Unknown:there's a tough outer circumstance. I can feel them,
Unknown:right. They're there. They're right there. They're right on
Unknown:the surface. And so this morning, I looked up a yoga
Unknown:playlist, because music is one way that I use to move emotions.
Unknown:And I was really intentional about it today because I knew
Unknown:that there were some to move. And so you hey, we all know the
Unknown:music that can allow our tears to flow and our emotions to
Unknown:come. Even if it's anger to come out. There's music for that,
Unknown:too. It's really important. But when the emotions come to you,
Unknown:if you can sit and ask them, What are you here to tell me?
Unknown:What are you here to tell me? And I think quite simply in my
Unknown:not knowing of my outer circumstance, I was being caught
Unknown:in the doing. And then I pull myself into the beam and into
Unknown:the setting and into the feeling and then into the inquiring and
Unknown:the compassion of what are you here to tell me?
Unknown:Is there a need here that I have that I have forgotten? And is it
Unknown:is it that in this case Maureen needs solace? Maureen needs
Unknown:compassion, Maureen? Because we forget often to include
Unknown:ourselves in the equation when we're dealing with the outer
Unknown:world. Of course, you know, it's like Who me but I believe we are
Unknown:all reawakening to this together and we are finding that nothing
Unknown:is more important. So what do you need at the moment?
Unknown:Is it compassionate language? The language of understanding. I
Unknown:see you I hear you that inner dialogue for yourself, not for
Unknown:the other for yourself.
Unknown:have someone to hold your hand and even
Unknown:just to read parenting, and that's a whole nother episode of
Unknown:coming back to ourselves, and re mothering and re parenting and
Unknown:repairing what we didn't get in our childhoods, because often,
Unknown:most likely, the emotions coming out for us are reminiscent of
Unknown:something from our past. And I'll ask you what is the truth?
Unknown:That is here for you to remember. The not knowing may be
Unknown:here for you to rediscover and recreate who it is you are
Unknown:becoming. And I bet when you sit with it, you will remember a lot
Unknown:more than you give yourself credit for. Because we can't,
Unknown:can't always get to the answers. If we're not quiet with
Unknown:ourselves. If we're not inquiring with ourselves.
Unknown:I'd say committing to hearing yourself, and that what is
Unknown:inside of you. And uncovering the answer is help you heal. And
Unknown:in turn, you will be able to give
Unknown:I think more freely, more fluidly more in flow to others
Unknown:on the outer world, when you learn to be with yourself in the
Unknown:inner world and go to your needs. First and foremost. And
Unknown:then I think an important part for me.
Unknown:And let me know what you think I'm missing today. But is to
Unknown:lean into your safe and trustworthy relationships. So
Unknown:allow yourself even as you're kind of being with whatever your
Unknown:outer situation or challenge or experiences, lean into the safe
Unknown:and trustworthy places.
Unknown:Reach out if you're looking to find what that might be for you.
Unknown:And maybe we can think of ideas. But
Unknown:I don't know today. If this question of how can we be within
Unknown:that knowing or being within that knowing support you at all.
Unknown:But it's meant to be a moving from whatever you're
Unknown:experiencing on the outside, to bring it into your own inner
Unknown:process and experience. And it will help you I believe,
Unknown:navigate with the little stuff and the big stuff. And learning
Unknown:that in our being we can find answers.
Unknown:Sometimes a lot faster than we can and are dealing and pair it
Unknown:with you're doing that make sure you're doing the Bing
Unknown:or Bing Bing.
Unknown:Thanks for listening today. As always, I appreciate it. If you
Unknown:haven't left a review, Apple is the platform where reviews are
Unknown:collected. And I'd be so grateful if you pop down there
Unknown:for a moment to give it a rating and a review. It helps the work
Unknown:become more exponential.
Unknown:And if you want to reach out and continue the conversation, you
Unknown:can email me at hello at Maureen spielman.com. I'm all about
Unknown:transforming any older paradigms into newer paradigms. It's a
Unknown:huge love of mine. And for both personal and professional, and
Unknown:just
Unknown:getting goodness out into the universe. We're all needed for
Unknown:that.
Unknown:In the mystical sisterhood membership, like I always say we
Unknown:discuss topics in this really soul centric way.
Unknown:And I'm always committed within that forum and platform to
Unknown:conscious conversations. So I plan to put together a few
Unknown:workshops for the fall. So take a look at my website soon.
Unknown:That's a Maureen spielman.com And you'll find mystical
Unknown:sisterhood.com connected there.
Unknown:But many, many thanks for being here. I hope this assist you in
Unknown:some way, even if there's one sentence in here or one quote,
Unknown:or anything that you can take out into your world and share
Unknown:with somebody. One has a million as they say. And that's it. So I
Unknown:will see you on the next episode with our next guest and stay
Unknown:well.
Unknown:Thanks for listening to this episode of mystical sisterhood.
Unknown:If you love what you heard, please visit Apple podcast and
Unknown:subscribe and leave a review and share with a friend if you're
Unknown:called to do so. To learn more about my one on one coaching
Unknown:programs, or join the mystical sisterhood membership. Visit
Unknown:Maureen spielman.com or mystical sisterhood.com Thanks so much.
Unknown:I'll see you in the next episode.