6: Take Two: Consciously Parenting Your Adult Children with Nani Langenstein

Unknown: 00:00:03

Hi, I'm Maureen Spielman, and this is Mystical Sisterhood. I'm a soul Care Coach and lifelong learner committed to creating conscious conversations around joy and healing. Each week, I'll host healers, intuitives and other courageous women doing the necessary work of reclaiming our worthiness, honoring our intuition and letting the light in so we can more clearly see the light and others and ourselves. My intention is to plant the seeds that lead to insights and revelations. For you the listener, please join me in building this global magical sisterhood. And thanks for being here

Unknown: 00:00:44

so welcome back to mystical sisterhood. Today's guest is the amazing Nani Langenstein. I met Nani in my conscious parenting Institute with Dr. Shefali Sabari. We've worked together extensively since that time. And not only have I gotten to know her soul on a professional level, I've been able to get to know you personally to nanny. And wow, I've got to say what she brings to this world is an openness to healing, a willingness to keep learning and hold all those around her in the highest regard. I know her to have a commitment to interconnection and ultimately in her transformation. So let me tell you a little bit more about Nani. She spent many years as a successful engineer in the avionics industry. After leaving engineering, she felt drawn to discovering more about the principles of consciousness and soul care teachings. Those principles not only resulted in her own deep healing and self discovery, but in her healing relationships with her daughters. She now uses these principles to coach others who are seeking healing with themselves and with others. So welcome Nonie.

Unknown: 00:01:56

Wow, thank you. That was a wonderful introduction.

Unknown: 00:02:01

Hard to hard to pop that. So thank you very much. Yeah, oh, you're so welcome. And we're here today talking about consciously raising adult children, a topic that you've been talking about putting out into the world for a while. And it blows me away to think about this topic of consciously raising adult children because we know that so much of our literature, and information about there is for young children, and how we raise them from birth to even 18 When they might go to college. But we are talking about even though we didn't set out an age range, really our adult children. So think of it 18 plus 21 plus whatever comes to mind.

Unknown: 00:02:45

And I think you and I both believe that it's never late, too late as parents to learn new skills, that change is possible transformation is possible. And that it takes a patience and willingness to do the work. So welcome here today. And if you want to tell us a little bit more before we start talking about consciously raising adult children, about your background, and what you did before you came into the coaching world, and what drew you to the coaching world?

Unknown: 00:03:20

Yeah, well,

Unknown: 00:03:23

I I'd imagine if not the furthest that engineering is very vastly different than where I am right now. And where my passions lead me right now.

Unknown: 00:03:37

You know, engineering is a very process, a very linear field, and especially avionics where you're creating equipment that literally the safety of others is dependent on. So there's not a lot of room for, you know, consciousness, whatever.

Unknown: 00:03:58

You know, but really, I came, I came into sort of consciousness and that that approach

Unknown: 00:04:08

kind of randomly, I was

Unknown: 00:04:15

just happen to be listening to the radio, I had been having some difficulties, challenges with my teenage and, you know, adult college age daughters,

Unknown: 00:04:28

you know, and what I was doing just wasn't working. I was taking them to counselors and saying, basically,

Unknown: 00:04:37

how do you how do we, how do we help them to work with me better because of course, you know, I'm doing everything I can as a mother.

Unknown: 00:04:48

And then I heard this conscious way of thinking and it just just made so much sense to me, and started really eagerly seeking and

Unknown: 00:05:00

Um, you know, I left the engineering field and just continued to find that passion in the consciousness and the soul care, aspects of healing, not only my relationship with my daughters, but realizing that really, it had to start with my healing within. So that's kind of the story of how

Unknown: 00:05:24

I got on this path. And, and I'll just say, you know, we're still on our path, but my relationships to end with myself and my daughters is drastically transformed by applying these principles. So I seen how they work. Yeah, I love that so much. It's a beautiful story. And

Unknown: 00:05:48

so, so intentional, this place of kind of honoring and intentionality, we move into when we're even willing to consider that we have something to learn. And I love that, because what you're just saying is

Unknown: 00:06:07

that all roads lead back to us. And

Unknown: 00:06:12

when you began that path of knowing that you also maybe had some work to do. Do you remember what some of your beginning revelations were?

Unknown: 00:06:25

You know, I think,

Unknown: 00:06:27

you know, like I said, I went in to

Unknown: 00:06:32

my daughter, my youngest daughter went into her counseling session. And just basically, it was like, Look, this is what she's doing. This is what she's doing, you know, how do we help her? You know?

Unknown: 00:06:48

And it was just sort of it was

Unknown: 00:06:51

a little over whelming, when I recognized like, Oh, I'm coming to her with a motion. Yeah, I'm coming to her

Unknown: 00:07:02

with my agenda.

Unknown: 00:07:05

And how do I begin to work with myself and take care of myself, so that I can show up to her in a different way. And that was really transformative, and just began this eagerness and passion of just searching of like, okay, how do I take care of myself. And that that was really the most transformative part of of that. Yeah. And we just,

Unknown: 00:07:37

we go about having children.

Unknown: 00:07:40

Dr. Shefali, had kind of taught us somewhat unconsciously. Now, for all of us. That's not true for all of us. But for many of us, so when we enter the parenting relationship with our child, we absolutely have no roadmap. And you know, now there are so many more books, but a lot is trial by fire with parenting, we all know that, that it's, it's one of the toughest jobs, if not the most challenging. I'll speak from my own experience that I've, that I've been through, but that we also don't always realize, when we begin that journey that we're bringing our whole past with us. And that our past really informs how parenting plays out for us the way that we view our role. Maybe maybe if there's hierarchy in there, maybe if there's things like I'm right, or there's something to fix here in how our children are showing up. But I that was a big revelation for me, is when I figured out that I was recruiting a lot of what was maybe I want to say what happened to me in my childhood, that they formed my belief systems, but I also knew that it was something was incongruent with how I really wanted to parent. And I think that's sort of interesting

Unknown: 00:09:02

that we do have a knowing inside that, that look at this, it doesn't matter. When we begin to realize this, we can have many years of parenting under our belt, but that fire can come alive of something new at any point. So those were just like a couple different avenues. But thoughts on that? Yeah, I mean, I mean,

Unknown: 00:09:25

you know, I think a lot of us enter in to parenthood with the idealistic expectations of of how it's going to go.

Unknown: 00:09:37

But I, you know, very few of us recognize that our children will be our biggest features,

Unknown: 00:09:46

or certainly one of them, and will be challenged in ways that we just didn't expect and as a teacher

Unknown: 00:09:57

you know, as you're kind of speaking

Unknown: 00:10:00

into when you grow up, and all of us have something that we're bringing in that, that maybe needs some attention within from our childhood.

Unknown: 00:10:11

You know, I had a fairly, you know, challenging childhood. And,

Unknown: 00:10:17

and part of that was like, I wanted my children above all to be happy, right? That was my big goal. And so when they were unhappy, that triggered this need within me to be happy, them to be happy, and the fixing kicked in, right, that's when the kick, the six thing kicks in. And, you know, you don't even realize that you're sort of, while my intention was to not have my children suffer through the things that I did and have the wounds that I did.

Unknown: 00:10:54

In actuality, I gave them a lot of that stuff by a different method, you know, by by the intense need to fix, it just became in other things, you know, it just became, they still ended up with some of those, those wounds, and,

Unknown: 00:11:15

you know, our children will resist at some point in time, they will resist

Unknown: 00:11:23

the fixing, you know, and it they they crave autonomy, especially in the older as they get into the teens and into the adulthood for sure. So, so that doesn't, that causes conflict? For sure. Yeah. Yeah. And it's interesting, because I'm sitting here thinking, you know, the title of our chat today, is that consciously raising our adult children, right? So we've kind of inadvertently talked about our ways that we considered ourselves unconscious, right? Maybe I mentioned the one of I'm bigger, stronger than you are sort of a hierarchy. You mentioned, like, the fixing and looking outward, even looking outward to others to help sort of find the answer.

Unknown: 00:12:20

And it is an awakening. So if we say like, what is consciousness around this, I think of it is an awakening within us that something more as possible.

Unknown: 00:12:33

And you named, that we, as parents might be part of that call for change, to look at to look at ourselves.

Unknown: 00:12:44

But what does that consciousness kind of mean to you?

Unknown: 00:12:50

Well, consciousness to me

Unknown: 00:12:54

means that I have a higher I have the ability to have a higher level of thinking.

Unknown: 00:13:03

And I can look at my challenges, I can look at my wounds and have a different perspective to them. But they aren't who I am.

Unknown: 00:13:16

And so it gives you that perspective of, of

Unknown: 00:13:23

who you are, and that who you who you are, in essence, doesn't really need fixing. Yeah.

Unknown: 00:13:32

And it may need healing, for sure. There may be aspects of you that definitely need healing. But ultimately, you are whole, you know. And

Unknown: 00:13:45

yeah, so, yeah, I love that it makes me about one a cry.

Unknown: 00:13:51

Because it's, it has such beauty and that kind of coming from this higher place. Knowing that we can, can I think that you and I have done so much of this study and and work and, and sort of self focus to that we know transfer transformation is wholly possible. And

Unknown: 00:14:14

and you mentioned, seeing your own wholeness, seeing that everything that comes before us is not bad or wrong. It it occurred and it and so many times it was incredibly painful for so many of us yet it led us to where we are today. And that that sort of path that we're finding and more of this more of this message is beginning to spread

Unknown: 00:14:46

because it's the healing that people need. I love what you said about I don't need fixing. I may need healing and maybe calling for healing that right there is so beautiful

Unknown: 00:14:59

because

Unknown: 00:15:00

is to me that when I think about a fixing energy that's a little bit harsher, it's like, there is something wrong here. How are we going to fix it? How are we going to make it whole, and then the healing is so much softer, it holds.

Unknown: 00:15:15

It has more space for the healing, more expansive, and it feels compassionate to me.

Unknown: 00:15:22

Yeah, and I like what you said there, I mean, to

Unknown: 00:15:27

having this sort of this conscious awareness doesn't mean that there isn't pain to

Unknown: 00:15:36

and things to deal with, you know, but it, it allows for acceptance, and accepting that something might be painful. And it also opens up to see that in those around us, right? I mean, when we understand a language, we're able to communicate that to others. And while I would say with,

Unknown: 00:16:04

you know, my children at any age, they would have been,

Unknown: 00:16:08

you know, I would have thought myself as loving and compassionate and accepting, but I can I have access to that at

Unknown: 00:16:21

an even, you know, more abundance, in more abundance, and limitlessness, in accessing that for myself, and then being able to have that, too available to offer those around me. I love it. And so, what I'm thinking of when you're speaking is, okay,

Unknown: 00:16:45

how can we, as individuals, start nourishing ourselves with the language?

Unknown: 00:16:55

I think I'm thinking right now about how many times in parenting, it can be so natural for us to go back to what's happened in the past.

Unknown: 00:17:08

And say, Well, I showed up this way, you know, I remember the time that I, you know, was yelling at my child, or just in engaged in conflict. And I think so often we have these ways of attaching to that, and making our selves feel

Unknown: 00:17:27

some shame, feel bad, feel like it's our fault. But I often think in doing this work, we have to give so much self forgiveness, to begin to begin this process of having a new intentionality, around connection. And the possibility of what can be

Unknown: 00:17:49

even if the even if, you know, as we're talking about adult relationships, is sometimes they have become more disconnected. And so

Unknown: 00:18:01

but just the importance of noticing the awareness, how we always hear it starts with awareness. But it is true, how our voices come to us how we self shame how we self judge, and how when we're talking about a new path, that there's not a whole lot of room for that.

Unknown: 00:18:22

I mean,

Unknown: 00:18:25

you know, for both of us with older children, I mean, we can look back, and we can certainly see times that we now would have chosen a different way

Unknown: 00:18:38

to approach our parenting.

Unknown: 00:18:42

Certainly, I, I have many things but

Unknown: 00:18:48

you know,

Unknown: 00:18:51

that forgiveness is a big part of it, but also understanding like, we don't go into parenting, and we weren't in those places of parenting, thinking, Oh, I really want to have an unconscious way of dealing with my children or, you know, this is when what we know what the time is what we do, and having some understanding and some compassion for

Unknown: 00:19:24

for that is the beginning I think of forgiving and, and to see that.

Unknown: 00:19:33

You know, that's part of consciousness, I think is understanding that the present moment is the moment that you can be acting on.

Unknown: 00:19:43

It isn't about the past and it isn't about projecting what is the future it is allowing what is for you in this moment and allowing that possibility to be its own. So to truly be in the present moment you

Unknown: 00:20:00

we're saying is releasing what came before releasing? What's going to come after? Because we don't know that anyway. And right, when we project into the future, it's probably based on what we've experienced in the past. So then again, that that kind of willingness to be in the present, which always feels to me like time slowing down, when we allow ourselves that, but when we can be in the present moment, and look at what's in front of us, then that almost allows us to see with new eyes. That is so beautifully said, I, I love the way that you just said that. Yeah. And,

Unknown: 00:20:46

and

Unknown: 00:20:48

allowing for our children, allowing that for ourselves and allowing that furthers our children as well, right?

Unknown: 00:20:56

Yeah, absolutely. I like that so much, because I love it so much, because we would want that presence. And that being, and that letting go of the past and not projecting to the future to be afforded for us to and our relationships. And that's an interesting thing, because what makes our children any different than the way that we would handle a friendship with a friend or,

Unknown: 00:21:25

you know, a partner, it's just like, it's almost like the graciousness that we can give to another human who is so clearly on their own path.

Unknown: 00:21:36

Yeah, what comes to mind? I see you Yeah, I mean, I think about to like this, this need to, not need but the desire to forgive self first.

Unknown: 00:21:48

It is important in our relationships with our children, right. And I think it's gobbler latte, who talks about, like, you know, his son said to him, you know, I don't want to be your problem, I don't want to be your mistake, you know, he wants to be seen for who he is in that moment. And when we're coming to our children with all of that guilt, and judgment.

Unknown: 00:22:14

We are, they will feel it, whether it's in our words and our energy.

Unknown: 00:22:21

They will feel that and so, so working with that on ourselves, for ourselves, and healing it within ourselves is the way to begin to not put that on our children. Yeah, yes. Yes. So the question that comes to mind to me to almost ask ourselves,

Unknown: 00:22:45

is one of them would be, am I willing to see myself as hole? Am I willing to see myself as not in need of fixing, but healing?

Unknown: 00:22:58

And what might I need to heal within me, that I project on to my children, that I project on to another? Those are some beginning questions that come to my mind, when we begin to do the inner reflective work?

Unknown: 00:23:13

Yeah, I mean, it really is counter intuitive until you begin to work. Right? And

Unknown: 00:23:20

that, that it begins within us. And once we can, and, honestly, it stays with us, right? It never leaves is all our work. And, and when we continue that work, that will, that will radiate our outward, you know, and,

Unknown: 00:23:45

and that's the, that is the way that is the way to develop these closer, more connected more accepting compassionate relationships with those around. Yeah, so I, to stay on that part of that inner work, I think is really important. Because then, you know, perhaps we can move to that outer work of the outer person, you know, our child in the in, in our sort of outside world, but just to really

Unknown: 00:24:17

be asking these questions, the reflections that you're talking about, and then know that the path is not linear, that we can begin to do the work and still mess up. And it's when we go and we do the work. I've I've done it 10s if not hundreds of times where I would do something differently from the way I showed up. But, you know, we're lucky to be in conversation with each other, but also to be providing containers for these conversations, because people need to know that it's okay to take the 10 steps for

Unknown: 00:25:00

or, you know, even if it's 15 steps back, I mean, we are always, we're always moving forward. But just,

Unknown: 00:25:08

you know, when we do have these times where we have an intention to,

Unknown: 00:25:14

to show up more fully, but we're not there yet that that's okay, too. That's okay. And just to hold ourselves with love and compassion, and know that know that we just the intention of wanting to do the work is putting that out into the universe. So

Unknown: 00:25:34

yeah, I mean, I 100% agree with what you're saying. And it is, you know, and that's it. That's part of that continuing to come back to self. And, you know, and yeah, if I lose my temper, or if I say something inadvertently, even and it's taken the wrong way, you know, that judgment starts popping up, and you know,

Unknown: 00:26:04

and that, that is a call for you. That's a call for you, and your healing, that's a call for your compassion for your understanding, you know, that in this moment, you know, what do I need? Yeah. And how?

Unknown: 00:26:25

How can I offer myself more acceptance, and forgiveness? And, and that may end up with your children or others saying, you know, as Suzy Lulu says, Can I have a do over or, you know, you know, hey, that didn't come out the way that I wanted to, you know, this is what I really wanted, you know, you know, they're there that may result in action externally. But it begins by first getting yourself back to, you know,

Unknown: 00:27:01

acceptance and non judgement. Yeah, yeah. I love that. And I love that you brought up Susie, we've both done her soul care certification. And when I think about her teachings, it is the compassionate container. Yeah. And it's also honoring, like, you're just saying right now, your own experience. And I almost think of when you talk about not only coming to yourself with that compassion and understanding, but then on the external asking for the repair, or the do over. I love that, because I just thought that when we do that, we give that to ourselves to that's a gift that we give to ourselves to repair something that's calling forth from within, to be repaired or healed. Yeah.

Unknown: 00:27:52

Yeah. And I mean,

Unknown: 00:27:54

it may be received, and it may not be received. And that's not our work. Right? Yes.

Unknown: 00:28:02

So we just need to be keep going back within, like, Is this my work? Is there something called of me, there's something needing healing within me. And, and release the other or whether it's our child or, or not? to, to, like, allow them the possibility of doing their work? Or, you know, maybe not? No?

Unknown: 00:28:29

Yes. I love that. Yeah, maybe not now, maybe not yet. I love when people put the yet on the end of sentences because it it, it allows it to happen at whatever time it's meant to happen. That's right. I think some of the principles, one of the biggest ones, for me has been in the last few years, I'd say, is truly understanding that the children that came through me brought into the world. And this is true whether you know, you have a child you adopt a child, there's a child, you teach that Each child is unique, sovereign. They come and coded with their own gifts, talents.

Unknown: 00:29:17

They also come with the lessons there to learn in this lifetime. But what that's allowed me to do is to view my own I'll take my own children, as independent of me of my husband of each other, and to allow them to sort of walk their path.

Unknown: 00:29:39

Even when it's unconventional, even when it doesn't go with the conventional timeline.

Unknown: 00:29:46

I know what I've learned is when I'm having kind of problems with that timeline, or with it not fitting into the way that things should fit in our society.

Unknown: 00:30:00

that it's my work to do that I turn the mirror back to myself. And I say, well, Maureen, if that's making you frustrated, or that's okay, have compassion. It's understandable, you were schooled in this way to think that that's not right. Because it's not Do you know, so linear or so you know, back to the engineering field that doesn't check the box? It doesn't make the grade? It doesn't. It doesn't look like everything else. But that's okay. And it's actually really beautiful, too.

Unknown: 00:30:31

Yeah, I think it's so important what you're saying. And it goes to this notion of success, right. And success is defined by who, by culture, by your family by, you know, but, you know, what, if we considered success to live life authentically.

Unknown: 00:30:56

So, to live life?

Unknown: 00:30:59

You know, of course, you've got to, you know, sustain yourself and does it, but does it have to be conventional, you know, do you have to be conventional, I like this notion of, you know, we're all,

Unknown: 00:31:14

you know, traveling down the interstate together. And my job is to stay in my lane. You know, we're all going on this interstate. And so, you know, every once a while, may have to beat my horn, you're drifting into my lane, or, you know, whatever, but, but how do we allow our children to have their own lane?

Unknown: 00:31:38

And be with them? And traveling in our own lane? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love that so much. I think I used to beat myself up more for not knowing these message earlier in my life. Yeah. Now I can be with that and be okay with it. And that is related to, I think, the spiritual teaching of that we do walk these paths, learning the lessons, we're meant to learn at the exact right time.

Unknown: 00:32:09

I feel like I trust in that.

Unknown: 00:32:12

But staying in your own lane and giving affording others that same.

Unknown: 00:32:19

This is just a generosity of spirit. Yeah, yeah. I say, you know, their sovereign, really, you know, especially, you know, you're more tied to their well being when they're younger. Right. But how do you say, you know,

Unknown: 00:32:37

this is allowing them to be a sovereign being and giving them age appropriately, more and more of their own right? To be a sovereign being, and not who I expect them to be? Or my idea of success?

Unknown: 00:32:54

But just allowing them to be fully who they are. Yeah. And supporting that. And that comes from first allowing myself

Unknown: 00:33:05

to deal with myself and my idea of what their success should be. Yes, yes. Yeah. And I think that this has been occurring for a while. It's, it's easy to say that it's occurring now with COVID, and the rise of social media anxiety and disconnection for self. But I think that we can see it with older adult children too, because for a long time in our society, it has been about the degree, the grades, the outer success, what when you're married, when you have children, what your job is, those kinds of things. And we've always been able to see that those don't necessarily equate to this thing called happiness or this thing called success. And so yeah, can I say to that, when you say that, what that makes me think of that is all of that also

Unknown: 00:33:56

gives the impression of you are not enough.

Unknown: 00:34:00

Right where you are.

Unknown: 00:34:04

And, and so you need to exceed because you're not quite enough. Yes. Yes. So he'll be enough if you do this. Yeah. And it's kind of a funny thing. My youngest is in high school, still a little bit older in high school, but

Unknown: 00:34:21

you know, we talk about all this being okay, we want we we should just be being we should see the sitting more or we should be contemplating, we should be off our phones. Yeah, there's a part of parenting. When I see my younger child just being then my mind has been trained to say that's not enough. Right? And so, it's a practice of, okay, this is your value, you're stating, are you really in alignment with that? Because if I were to truly ask myself, do you know that they will be okay?

Unknown: 00:34:56

Even in their being? Of course, of course.

Unknown: 00:35:00

So I just feel like, it's such an important conversation, you could have a whole conversation about culture. But we were so every day of our life, every we've been in culture, like you said, by either culture or family of origin, origin. And it's there. So it's always it's just with that gentle, compassionate way of approaching ourselves, right? That if we, if we want to look at it, you know, if you do or you don't, that's your decision. But if you want to, it's willing, it's it's, it's interesting to peel back the layers and say, and then like, say, what, what of this is mine? And what isn't? Because you get to see, yeah, it's so interesting, I think.

Unknown: 00:35:44

I don't know, several months ago, my daughter and I were kind of looking back at our relationship and how it has evolved. And it was very, I'd say, toxic.

Unknown: 00:35:59

You know, for both of us, honestly. But anyway, we were talking and I think, you know, the thing is, I think that

Unknown: 00:36:06

I heard in my mind, I heard your parenting. And parenting requires you to be like,

Unknown: 00:36:16

hands on all the time. And I like what if you substituted parenting for, like, what is it? I think I should be doing? You know, should I be instead of parenting? Oh, I'm controlling? I'm on directing, you know? And what if it's like, allowing, guiding, supporting, encouraging, you know, helping them to stay in their lane? Yeah, you know, while I'm staying in my lane. Yeah, it's it's absolutely beautiful. And it makes me think of the, I always use this example. But when I read the Gary Zhukov book years ago, I'm forgetting the name right now. But he talks about the modern day view of marriage. And it is two souls escorting each other interested in each other's highest good. Yeah. And kind of, like you're saying, taking that path together. So what if we viewed our children like that? Yeah, it is a soul level kind of understanding. But that I'm a soul. My child is, and we're escorting one another. And as much as I'm teaching them, they're teaching me. Mm hmm. For sure. Yeah. And, you know, you were talking about for about this notion of like, going back. And of course, you know, we want to go, you know, change things would have changed things differently.

Unknown: 00:37:52

What if that is, you know, who, if you that's the, you know, the deep work, but if you take a higher look, that that is their lessons for life as well. So, you know, of course, we want our children to never have to be in pain or suffering. But that is, that is where growth occurs. So.

Unknown: 00:38:19

Yeah, I so agree. And it makes me think of to,

Unknown: 00:38:26

when we think about our kids and what they might need from us,

Unknown: 00:38:31

is it simply,

Unknown: 00:38:34

in its most basic, foundational form, they need to feel like they're being heard, that they're being seen that they matter. And that we're willing to take the time to listen, I think about that listening piece. And how, if we consciously go about parenting, our kids, we're stepping back, and we're creating this forum for listening. What do you think about that? Yeah, I think that that's right. And, you know, I think it's seeing them in their wholeness.

Unknown: 00:39:12

And, and,

Unknown: 00:39:16

and except accepting them and, and knowing they don't, they don't need fixing. They just need us to be a mirror to show them who they are. Oh, it's so beautiful.

Unknown: 00:39:32

Yeah, yeah. And so, as you've been on this journey, obviously, just this topic is near and dear to your heart.

Unknown: 00:39:43

How has that felt to you? Does it feel like a heart opening as you create the space for something new within you, and, and is it a gradual process that you almost can't see to the naked eye? Like how is the process when you start to do this work?

Unknown: 00:40:01

Yeah, I mean, first of all, your children are used to seeing you show up in a certain way.

Unknown: 00:40:09

And so they're, they're in their patterns, just like you've been in your patterns and so.

Unknown: 00:40:17

So it really is just the gentleness of, like, how is this teaching me? I still need healing, when they're, they're responding in the way that they always have.

Unknown: 00:40:35

How do I go take care of myself? How do I, you know, continuously

Unknown: 00:40:41

and just in just

Unknown: 00:40:45

allow yourself to not always be Yeah, you know, in that space and, and,

Unknown: 00:40:53

and just continuing to learn. And it's, it can be a slow process, but also, it's, it's, you, you will be once you begin to see. And notice, they'll slowly change, they'll slowly as you continue to stay open. I, I, I see that they continue to slowly open and yeah, they they will develop a trust that this is who you are. So yeah, that's, that's a beautiful breakdown and kind of description of that, because

Unknown: 00:41:27

you're what I hear you saying is that the patterns that we show up with ours take a while to dismantle to kind of, to erode a little to grow new ways of being and there as well, too. Yeah. And that's and to give them that space around it. I love that.

Unknown: 00:41:50

Yeah, and,

Unknown: 00:41:53

and

Unknown: 00:41:55

really, you're, you're gonna be noticing, you will be noticing the changes within yourself. Yes. And, as we've talked about, it may not be linear. Yeah. But once you notice the changes when within yourself, it continues to pull you to some more and more and more. I love it. Because what I had just thought of when you were talking was, you said the word Trust, I think, because that is something that we need to rebuild. So when you are coming with a more compassionate relationship to you and your inner worlds and your thoughts and your beliefs that you've had before, and willingness, you're starting to create a trust in yourself. And also that that notion of safety, and that you there's a safe place for you to land. Because if we're beating ourselves up, if we're judging how we've been, that's not very safe, it's not safe on the inside, we don't usually think of it like that. Certainly not safe for those on the outside. So you're kind of talking about rebuilding this relationship with yourself. That's, that's whole, it's listening, it's trustworthy, it's, it's willing to be intimate, it's willing to be connected. And then then when you start to work on those qualities within yourself, they're naturally going to start showing up in the outer relationship. And that's what we're kind of doing. We're rebuilding safety and trust. And, you know, a lot of times to, we're having this conversation, mother to mother, a lot of times there's another partner in the, in the equation that contributed to the ways things were, but we at the end of the day, we do our own work. And we determine the ways that we want to show up, and the ways we want to feel, you know, and the kind of life we want to have. And I just think it it just brings it back to, you know if connection is my highest priority, and seeing my children for who they are in their wholeness. Those two things, right. There are just so beautiful.

Unknown: 00:44:12

Just just a

Unknown: 00:44:15

way of being that I'm presenting to another human being another soul. Yeah, perfect. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. So as we wrap up here, is there anything else that comes to mind that you'd want to share with our listeners today?

Unknown: 00:44:31

Um,

Unknown: 00:44:33

no, I mean, I think we've covered so much

Unknown: 00:44:38

more than I think that I was thinking we'd cover so it's great. But yeah, I mean, I think I think it's really

Unknown: 00:44:50

I think we've really sort of nailed it in that.

Unknown: 00:44:55

That it begins with just this beautiful

Unknown: 00:45:00

We'll relationship with self.

Unknown: 00:45:03

And I can say from my, my own journey, that's the furthest thing that I would have have thought was the way to get there.

Unknown: 00:45:16

So, so yeah, I hope if, if any, if nothing else, we've encouraged everyone to just

Unknown: 00:45:24

just to start to see, you know, how they need to offer less judgement of themselves and more compassion. And, yeah, just

Unknown: 00:45:39

just allow that to be the way that they show up in for themselves and for others. Yeah, it gives so much kind of hope, potential possibility. And, you know, just as we kind of finished the conversation, it also strikes me of what a beautiful,

Unknown: 00:46:00

I'm going to use the word responsibility. But when we take on this work, it holds the potential to break the patterns of generations. Absolutely. And you know, a lot of people call that the energy, generational change, intergenerational change. And it's,

Unknown: 00:46:18

it couldn't be more true. Because those who came before us came from painful places, yet we're at this this time, in here in 2022, we have a lot of information that's coming to us. That's, that's, we can put into practice to really change how it is going forward. So I just am blown away by that concept. Yeah, I love that. And the other thing I was thinking, too, is like, you know, the hard part about this, is that it's all within us. Right? And as we've been talking about, and the easiest thing about this, is it's all within

Unknown: 00:47:04

so much. Yes, yes. It's,

Unknown: 00:47:08

it's right within you. It doesn't cost money. Yeah, it's full of, if we're just talking about the kindness and the compassion and the love and the understanding, it's full of just a warmth, and just that energetic vibration that will heal. That is healing. Yeah. So yes. So, you know, Nonie, I want to ask, where people can find you if they want to reach out? I'm going to say, before you answer that question, that I know you to be a powerful healer, you've studied many different modalities now that just build upon one another and lend towards healing. So you know, I'd say to any of our listeners listening today, I just know you to be such a professional in your coaching and the way that you honor individuals who come and speak to you, I know this from having almost daily conversations with you, is just that is it is true, holding another in that highest regard. And with that potential, of being able to deeply transform the experience they're having with themselves. First and foremost. It's like, you are so talented with that. So if someone wanted to reach out to you, where would they find you? Well, first of all, let me say thank you so much for that. And, you know, it's

Unknown: 00:48:39

it's deeply meaningful to me to the relationship that we have. And also, I know that you see it within me because it exists within you.

Unknown: 00:48:52

So thank you.

Unknown: 00:48:54

But, but yep, people can reach me. My email is hlangenstein@gmail.com. Wonderful. Yeah. Well, thanks so much for being here. today. I want to say thank you to our listeners. If there's something that resonated or lifted you up today, please head over to iTunes and give a review.